How To Save A Life
by flapjacks
Summary: Elliot once said he'd give her his kidney.. but is that enough to save Olivia's life? -- Latest chap includes alt endings for 'Fault' & 'Svengali' :: LAST CHAPTER IS UP!
1. Where

**SUMMARY: **Elliot once said he'd give her his kidney... but is that enough to save Olivia's life? She's been working undercover with the FBI but when the fate of a rapist depends on her testimony, Casey sets out to find her... soon discovering that Olivia's been attacked and is in the hospital.

**Author's Note:** _I suppose this story's set around season 8 when Olivia's undercover with the FBI but it doesn't exactly match the show's storyline. Oh well, it's fanfiction for a reason :) Anyway sorry if it's a little shizzy, it's just a little something I wrote on an 8 hour drive upstate last night... this as well as watch a whole season of sex and the city. It's not going to be too long, probably like 7 or 8 chapters. Italicised words are character thoughts. Okay enjoy!_

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :)

* * *

**_Chapter One_**

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offences are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit.

These are their stories.

_IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII_

**SVU STATIONHOUSE**

**NEW YORK**

**11th NOVEMBER**

"Cragen?" Casey Novak cautiously knocked on the door of Captain Donald Cragen's office.

She listened for a moment, and then heard an irritated 'what?' called out gruffly from inside the room.

_What? That's not how he normally addresses people knocking at his door, Casey thought as she entered the office. But its 11:30pm, maybe he's just tired… what's he still doing here anyway?_

"What is it Casey?" he asked, not looking up from the papers on his desk.

Casey instantly noticed the various case files spread over the desk as well as a pile of official looking documents. She recognised the logo in the top corners as those of the Morris Commission and immediately understood the Captains bad mood. _That explains it. If the Morris Commission was sending Cragen mail, he'd done something to piss the council of authority off. That explains why he looks so frustrated… one of his detectives probably made a mistake on a case, or they're probably hassling him about a perp his team didn't catch… mail from the Morris Commission always means problems._

"I need to know where Olivia is" Casey stated.

The mention of detective Olivia Benson made him briefly look up from his paperwork. "You know I don't know where she is" he replied impatiently, looking back down and continuing to scribble furiously.

"Well I need to find her" Casey stated simply.

"Why?"

Olivia had left SVU a few weeks ago when the FBI enlisted her help on an undercover case, leaving Cragen without one of his finest detectives. Dani Beck had briefly replaced her but she left the department as well, leaving Cragen one detective less. _Leaving more room for mistakes, more opportunities for Morris and his idiots to be up my ass._ His team was shrinking every day, giving the Morris Commission more reason to hound him on unsolved cases.

"For a case… I managed to delay court another three days but I need her testimony or Julie Belling's rapist is going to walk free!"

"I don't know where she is… I haven't heard from her since she left and she didn't tell me where she was going... she couldn't."

That was a half-truth. Although Captain Cragen didn't know exactly where Olivia was or what she was doing, he did know that she was working with the FBI… however he hadn't shared this information with any of his detectives.

"What about Elliot?"

"He doesn't know where she is either."

'How do you know?"

When Cragen looked up again, Casey noticed the exhaustion that was etched into the man's ageing face.

"Because he's been asking the same questions as you and I don't have any answers" he said softly.

"Well I need to get in touch with her… so where should I start?"

He thought for a moment before answering. "Ted Parker, he handles the transfers' paperwork... all I know is that she's working undercover, so she might not be on the books…"

_Undercover? So much for having no idea where she is._ But Casey could see the tiredness in the captain's eyes. Now was no time to hassle him for lying.

He opened the drawer in his desk and began rummaging through. "… but he might know something… he knows people, he's got connections" he said, still searching through the drawer. Eventually, he produced an old business card with a giant coffee stain on it.

"Thanks captain" Casey said as she took the card from him and headed for the door.

Cragen was obviously busy so she wasn't going to take up any more of his time than she had to.

As she reached the door she heard him call her name, and she turned back to face him.

"When you find her, let me know… I want to see her."

"Will do captain", Casey said with a nod before leaving the office.

* * *

_I know that was kinda boring, nothing special but it's just to give a little background to the situation and set the scene. Chapter two will be longer and should be up soon. Please review!_


	2. Found

**Author's Note:** _Okay so in my story timeline Olivia went straight to Oregon to work with Dean and the FBI after she asked for a new partner at the end of 'fault'. She didn't transfer to computer crimes at all and Elliot hasn't seen or heard from her since that day.__ And even though I'm a total E/O shipper, for the sake of this story they have more of a strong best friend love, probably nothing more. Okay go for it…_

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :)

* * *

_**Chapter Two**_

******SVU SQUADROOM**

**NEW YORK**

**12****th**** NOVEMBER**

Captain Cragen sat at his desk desperately trying to reason with Elliot Stabler, who leant against the filing cabinet at the back of the room.

"You can't search his car without a warrant Elliot!"

"Then get Novak to get one!" Elliot impatiently replied.

Cragen was beyond annoyed. They'd been arguing in circles about this case for at least half an hour. He knew that Elliot knew it was ridiculous to even consider breaking into a suspect's car without a warrant. He also knew that when Olivia left Elliot lost his balance. Because that's what they were for each other. A balance. Dani was a temporary fix but with her gone too, Elliot was alone again with no one to make him see sense. All he could see was a young victim and an even younger guy he suspected was the perp. He had an idea in his head and he was sticking to it. Because he had no partner to make him consider the other options. Because once again Elliot was alone, and not handling it well. And knowing this was the only thing keeping Don from screaming at the detective.

"I told you, she's busy today. And no ADA would be able to get that warrant. There's no evidence that Mike Hamil is even related to this case... "

"But sh-"

Don raised a hand to silence Elliot as he cut him off, "…it doesn't matter what the victim told you off the record because that's exactly what it was. Off the record. And since she's refusing to include it in her statement we can't do anything with it."

"Then let me go over there and try to get her to let us put what he did to her in the statement", Elliot tried to reason.

"Elliot the woman has a history of violence, you already know she's registered as a gun owner and you've seen how she's reacted when she's scared. You're not talking to her alone without a partner or back up and right now we don't have any detectives to spare. Dani didn't give much notice before she left, we haven't been able to find you a new partner yet."

Elliot opened his mouth to retaliate but quickly closed it again realising he didn't have anything to say. Cragen was right, the woman was definitely violent even if she was the victim in this. And with Olivia's sudden departure and now Dani's, the captain was short on detectives.

Suddenly Casey burst through the door without even knocking. Striding in, she spoke directly to Cragen, not even noticing Elliot at the back of the room.

"I found her", she stated.

Assuming Casey had unknowingly interrupted their discussion to report that she'd found an unreachable witness for a separate case, Elliot lowered his head, once again racking his brain for a way he could prove Mike Hamil's involvement in the case.

"Olivia? Where is she?" Cragen asked anxiously.

It was the mention of his old partner's name that caught his attention, snapping him out of his trance.

"Why are you looking for Olivia?" Elliot asked, startling Casey who hadn't realised he was in the room. _Why wouldn't Cragen tell me he was looking into finding Liv?_

"For a case", Cragen interjected.

Elliot eyed Casey, curiously awaiting an answer as to Olivia's whereabouts. He missed his old partner. _Missed. That was probably an understatement._ Elliot hadn't allowed himself to properly process his feelings about Olivia's departure. But he did miss her, he knew that much.

Just like his feelings on her departure, Elliot was a little unsure of how he felt about Olivia at that moment. Should he be pissed that she just left? Or that she hadn't tried to contact him? It's not like they were just partners; they were best friends. Even though they hadn't said it to each other, they both knew it was true. It was their strong friendship that was stopping them from doing their jobs properly.

He thought back to the day she dumped him as a partner. Elliot had regretted what he'd said to her the moment he said it. He knew Olivia could take care of herself. She had good reason for not shooting Gitano, even though it resulted in a slash to the neck for her. But even then, bleeding on the ground she hadn't been waiting for Elliot to rescue her like he said she was. He'd ran to her side but that was his choice. As she clutched at her neck she told him to leave her and go after Gitano. And Elliot obeyed. But he was too late.

That image of Ryan's dead body had stayed with him, and would probably never leave. He'd chosen Olivia over the child, even though she didn't need him. Even though he knew she didn't need him. He'd chosen her because he thought that sometimes Olivia didn't know what she needed. But he was wrong. He'd lost Ryan and he'd blamed her. Blamed her when it was his choice. His fault.

Even at the warehouse, she wouldn't have taken that shot. He knew she wouldn't risk his life like that but he accused her anyway.

The real problem wasn't that he blamed her for what happened to Ryan, it was that he cared about her too much. The realisation that if Gitano slashed a centimetre lower it would have been Olivia bleeding out on the station ground instead of Ryan, was too much for Elliot. Unbearable.

Elliot had been having nightmares since that night. Sometimes in his dreams, he didn't even go to Olivia's side. He just left her and went straight to Ryan. It was in these dreams that he saved Ryan but lost Olivia. Sometimes he dashed straight to Olivia but Gitano had slashed lower and harder and she was already gone, bleeding out in his arms. Other times, Elliot took too long in choosing who to run to and he ended up losing both.

If the situation that day had turned out differently Olivia could have died and Elliot knew he couldn't handle that. Elliot knew he couldn't live with himself if she had died that day. If only he could have told her that. Told her how he felt. Told her what he was thinking. Told her his reasons. Told her instead of accusing her. Instead of blaming her for his mistakes. His misjudgment. His guilt.

If he had only told her just how much he loved her. Just how much he needed her. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe Olivia wouldn't have left. Maybe she would have understood that when he said they couldn't be partners anymore he didn't mean it. At least he didn't think he did.

He'd asked Cragen about her a few times, just wanting to know where she was and if she was safe but the captain claimed he didn't know. _She's probably transferred to robbery… maybe narcotics with Cassidy…_

It was Casey's voice brought him back to earth, although by now his focus had shifted downwards towards the ground.

"She's in Oregon."

_Or maybe she transferred to a department that involves travelling or relocation? But Liv wouldn't wanna leave New York…_

"She's been in the ICU of Holy Cross for five days."

Elliot's head immediately snapped up at the mention of the hospital. Suddenly frantic, the two men in the room simultaneously spoke, practically yelling.

"What happened?! Is she alright?!"

"Intensive Care Unit?! Why?!"

Casey jumped back a little, startled by the sudden rise in vocal volume. "I don't know, they wouldn't tell me any details over the phone because I'm not a relative… we should try to contact her family."

"Olivia doesn't have family. She's an only child. She never knew her father and her mom's dead… her only aunt moved to Australia when Liv was six and they haven't spoke since…"

Novak looked towards Elliot with a surprised expression upon her face. She had no idea that Olivia was without family. So alone.

Cragen also looked towards Elliot, noticing that he knew personal details of his ex-partners past. Reminding him just how close the pair was once upon a time. Back when his two finest detectives could work as the perfect team.

Elliot ignored both the pairs of eyes on him and began to put on his jacket.

"I've gotta see her", he stated simply.

"Elliot-" Cragen began but he was interrupted.

"Captain I _need _to see her" Elliot said in a tone that suggested there was no point arguing with him. He looked at Cragen, his eyes filled with desperation.

This was the woman that held him when he'd been thrown into glass. Pressured his wounds when he'd been shot. Blasted a creep in a laundry room that had a gun pointed on Elliot. When they were partners Olivia always had his back. Not knowing what had happened to her was bad enough, but knowing that she was all alone lying in a hospital bed in an intensive care unit was a thought that Elliot couldn't bear. They might not be partners anymore, but they were still friends. Best friends. And he still cared about her. For all he knew she could be dying… she could already be dead. _No. No. Don't be stupid. Don't even think that. Olivia's strong. She'll be okay. She'll be fine._

"Fine. Go." Cragen sighed. "Munch and Fin can take over the Marini case. Go with Casey and call when you know something. But remember Elliot, she might not be happy to see you."

"I know", Elliot said, already exiting the office with Casey following closely behind. She too wondered what state Olivia was in, as well as what had happened between her and Elliot to make Cragen think she wouldn't want to see him. She walked briskly out of the stationhouse trying to keep up with Elliot. He pulled keys from his pocket, unlocked the doors of the sedan out front and headed towards the driver's side.

"I'll drive."

* * *

_Should I bother continuing? Hmm.. reviews? ;)_


	3. Arrivals

**Author's Note: **_Okay so apologies for the whole distance between Oregon and New York thing, I've added a little more to this chapter and fixed that up. As you can tell, the story is continuing and thanks for all your support. Oh yeah Elliot and Kathy are seperated or in the middle of their divorce or whatever. Enjoy.._

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :)

* * *

**_Chapter Three_**

**HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL**

**OREGON**

**13t****h ****NOVERMBER**

While the pair had been waiting for the plane, Elliot asked Casey if they'd told her anything at all about Olivia's condition, what had happened or what she'd been doing in Oregon. Casey's answer to all three questions had been no and apart from this brief conversation and Elliot saying he'd drive to the airport, the past 13 hours had been spent in relative silence.

Because they had purchased last minute tickets and it was a crowded flight they hadn't been able to get seats next to each other. But Elliot hadn't minded spending the flight between the plane wall and a woman he didn't know. Staring out the small plane window for the duration of the flight gave him the time and opportunity to think without having Casey there trying to talk or grilling for answers about what had happened between him and his former partner.

Once the taxi reached the hospital, Elliot threw a few ten dollar bills at the driver and the pair headed straight towards the elevator at practically a run. The sign beside it told them that the ICU was on the fourth floor.

Exiting the crowded lift, Casey headed over to a quiet corner by a vending machine to answer her ringing phone while Elliot darted straight towards the admin desk where a young blonde nurse smiled up at him.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Olivia Benson's room."

"Your name and relation to Ms Benson?"

"Detective Elliot Stabler. She's my old partner."

"I'm sorry Mr Stabler, ICU patient's visitors are restricted to family only."

"She doesn't have any family..." Elliot suddenly remembered a conversation he had with Olivia when she was filling out her health insurance renewal forms. "… I'm her in-case-of-emergency contact."

After a minute of tapping away on the computer, the nurse gave Elliot a nod.

"There's a note here saying we tried calling you but there was no answer."

"I've uh... moved." _They would have called Kathy's, probably during the day when no one was home._

"She's in room 4024, down the hall and to your left."

"Thanks" replied Elliot, already setting off down the corridor.

He considered asking the nurse what had happened but he wanted to see Olivia first. He also considered waiting for Casey to get off the phone but decided against it. _God only knows how long she'll take. _Elliot made his way down the hall, walking a lot slower than he had before. He was hoping to prepare himself for what he was about to see, he had no idea what to expect. All he knew was that Olivia was alive. _Alive and staying that way. _

Looking at the numbers on the doors he noticed he was getting closer. _4022, 4023… _Finally he stopped in front of the door of room 4024. _Olivia's room. _He looked through the glass pane in the middle but because the head of the bed was situated against the same wall of the door, all he could see was the foot of the bed.

He wrapped his fingers around the door handle, took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his sudden nerves and slowly pushed open the door.

* * *

_In case you're wondering why Olivia's not in hospital under her undercover name Persephone, it will be explained in a further chapter. __I know, I know its short. And shit. But it's necessary :) Next one will be longer. A LOT longer :) So reviews anyone?_


	4. Olivia

**Author's Note: **_There's been amendments to some previous chapters to make the story a little less fluidy so have another look if you want. I've fixed up the whole distance between Oregon and New York thing and also it will be explained in the next chapter why Olivia isn't in hospital under the name Persephone. Flashbacks (like the short ones below) are in italics like character thoughts, you'll pick it up._

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :)

* * *

**_Chapter Four_**

**HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL**

**OREGON**

**13****TH**** NOVEMBER**

Elliot cautiously stepped into Olivia's hospital room. It was small and mainly white giving it a sterile, antiseptic feeling. Looking to his right, he saw her. From his position of at least a metre away Elliot could see that she looked worse than what he had prepared for. Much worse.

Whatever anger or hurt he felt because of Olivia's departure instantly vanished as he took in the sight before him. His worst-case-scenario mental image had been shot to pieces and replaced with the one 50 times worse that was before him.

Olivia's still body lay between the plain white sheets, eyes closed as her chest slowly rose and fell. From where he was standing he could see that white bandages were wrapped around her right hand and knuckles and her left elbow.

Elliot walked cautiously over towards the bed. As he got closer he noticed a white patch-like bandage on the side of her neck, poking up and out from beneath her hospital gown. Red chaffed skin surrounded the white edge and small fingerprint shaped bruising scattered around her windpipe. Fading bruises poked out from beneath her gown and spread down her arms. Elliot was sure he could see one shaped like a handprint.

As he reached her bedside, his gaze drifted from up her arms and neck to her face. Olivia's face didn't look like it normally did. To an acquaintance or someone who didn't know her as well as he did, she'd be barely recognisable. Her usually tanned skin was pale and almost grey. An oxygen tube ran from behind her ears to her nostrils. She had harsh dark purpley blue bruising around her left eye.

The bruising spread down to her cheekbone, which was equally discoloured, and harshly swollen. Her bottom lip was split and slightly swollen and the right side of Olivia's face sported a long cut stretching from the edge of her good eye down to her jaw. The raw gash was held together with six black stitches, indicating it was a deep cut.

Elliot stared at Olivia's battered face in disbelief. Silence surrounded them expect for her slow shallow breaths and the gentle hum of the medical machines she was hooked up to. _If that's what her face and arms look like then what injuries is the gown covering? _Elliot's mind was racing with questions now and he was instantly consumed by something he'd never felt before. It was an extreme mixture of emotion. Of confusion. And anger. And fear and regret. And guilt. So much guilt. Elliot couldn't help but feel guilty. Like this was his fault. _It is. It's my fault she left in the first place. Oh god, what have I done?_

On the airport drive, plane trip and taxi ride he'd conjured up numerous possibilities of what could have happened but after seeing the state she was in, Elliot could definitely rule out road accident, sickness or disease.

Once he got passed the initial immobilising shock Elliot sat on the seat beside her bed and gently took Olivia's bandaged hand in his own. Blood had soaked through the dressings that wrapped around her knuckles and her shredded fingers lay limply over his palm. He examined the damage to her hand. Her right hand. Olivia was right handed. Elliot knew what that meant. She'd fought back whoever had done this to her. _Or she tried to. She tried to fight back. She tried to fight back and whoever was hurting her didn't stop. _

Normally, Elliot would have launched into the hospital hall by now. Busted out in an uncontrollable blaze of raging fury in search of answers. Of who the monster was that had done this. He was pretty sure that it had been another human being, or more than one, that had done this to Olivia. _That's the only explanation for the handprints and finger marks and the damage to her hands. _Normally, Elliot would have probably committed murder by now but right now he found himself in a state of stunned confusion that he couldn't overcome. Because nothing about this situation was normal.

Being in this job, detectives see a lot of people in rough shape. Hell, Elliot had seen hundreds of victims in this condition almost everyday for the past ten years. But your partner isn't someone you'd expect to ever see like that. Especially when your partner is Olivia Benson. Olivia as a patient. _A victim. _That wasn't something he'd seen before. Or something that he ever thought he'd see. He sees it day after day but seeing Liv as the victim. That was unfamiliar territory. His partner was invincible. His best friend couldn't be destroyed, _not after everything she's already been through in her life._ His Liv couldn't be broken. _Nothing or no one could break her down._ Or at least that's what Elliot thought.

He knew Olivia could be a smartass sometimes but could she have said something to make someone angry enough to do this to her? Scattered memories of past interrogations and arrests from their years as partners instantly invaded his mind…

_Morrow: Honey, I'd like a mineral water no ice.  
__Olivia: And id like your balls in a blender but ain't life a bitch!_

_Perp: Hey screw you!  
__Olivia: I can screw you harder!_

_Dr. Spevak: I started this foundation to give something back.  
Olivia: Well, you gave these women back to God. Does that count?_

_Olivia: You got a problem?  
Elliot: Nope, it's just nice to see someone else with the anger issues  
Olivia: You want to read him his rights?  
Elliot: He's all yours.  
Olivia: You got the right to keep your mouth shut._

_Olivia__: You know what you are?  
__Richard__: A realtor.  
__Olivia__: A nosey parker.  
__Richard__: And you're a bitch.  
Olivia: Did I hit a nerve?  
Richard: I don't have any nerves._

And then there was her attack on Thatcher._ Olivia might have attitude and a temper but she knows how to control herself. Could that have been what got her into trouble? Did she start this? Or was she just in the wrong place wrong time?_

A million. A million scenarios of how this happened had been conjured up in his brain.

"Who did this to you?" Elliot whispered, grasping her hand a little tighter.

He took in the state of her face. _Who would do that to her face? To Olivia's beautiful face._ He took in the swollen areas, the bruises and cuts. _Who would do this to her? Who would hit her hard enough to break the skin? To make her bleed? Who would hit her at all?_

Elliot heard the door open and Casey's voice but he didn't take his eyes off Olivia.

"Elliot I was talking t-…" but her sentence was never finished. She trailed off after her eyes fell upon Olivia and a gasp escaped her lips.

"Oh God Liv." She whispered, instantly appearing next to Elliot at the bedside. Elliot still softly held Olivia's hand in his own.

"Do you know what happened?" he asked softly, not moving his focus off Olivia.

"No. Not exactly. You haven't asked anyone?" Casey asked. This surprised her; she would have expected Elliot to have spoken to the doctor by now. _Clearly the man's in shock. _

After not getting an answer Casey spoke again. Gently running her fingers through Olivia's hair, she commented on the length, how it had grown.

There was a brief silence in the hospital room before Elliot spoke, even softer than before. "Sorry I didn't wait for you… I couldn't… I had to see her."

"It's fine Elliot. The nurse wouldn't let me in at first because I'm not family but I convinced her that we basically are her family and she ended up caving. "

"Where have you been?"

"Getting some answers…"

Elliot finally tore his eyes away from Olivia and directed his attention to Casey. _Answers. _

"I was talking to Dean Porter", Casey clarified.

"Who the hell is Dean Porter?"

"He heard me asking for Liv at the desk. We only talked briefly so I didn't find out much. But he was Olivia's handler and-"

"Handler? Why did she have a handler?" _What the hell was Olivia doing here?_

"He's an FBI agent. He said she'd been working undercover with him."

"What the hell was she doing working with the FBI?!" Elliot demanded, even more confused than before. _When Olivia transferred I assumed it was to another department. Not another state. And not to the FBI. How did she even get involved with the feds? _

"I don't know. That's all the information I got. He had to go out to make a call but he said he'll come in when he's done."

"What's going to happen with the trial?" Elliot asked abruptly, changing the subject.

"Well she's clearly not fit to testify so the trial will have to be pushed back. I'll notify my office now so they can get in contact with the defence because it'll be a while before we get back…", Casey replied, pulling out her mobile and beginning to dial. She considered staying in the room to make the phone call but decided against it, giving Elliot some more time alone with Olivia. _He's not taking this very well… it's hitting him hard alright. He hasn't let go of her hand the entire time I've been in here… who knows how long he was holding it before that. And not knowing what happened… this must be killing him._

"When I come back we'll find her doctor, we need answers and I'm going to need her condition and a recognition of incapacity in writing for the judge", she told Elliot before exiting the room.

A few seconds later Elliot heard the door open again. He looked towards the door, expecting to see Casey but instead was greeted with a friendly smile from the blonde nurse he spoke to earlier.

"Sorry to interrupt but I have to change her dressings."

Elliott nodded and gently placed Olivia's hand back down on the mattress. He watched as the nurse lowered the bed sheet a little bit and pulled up Olivia's hospital gown to reveal her stomach. Like her face and arms, it was bruised and discoloured. He noticed another bloodstained patch, similar to the one on her neck to the right side of her stomach.

"What… what happened to her?" Elliot finally asked softly, afraid to hear the answer.

"I'll call Dr Webber to explain her injuries and condition once I'm done here. He's the chief of surgery and her treating physician."

_Chief of surgery. Surgery. That's not a good sign._

He tried to speak but he couldn't find the words. Elliot managed a small nod while his eyes remained fixed on the bruising on the soft skin of her stomach. It was worse than the others. The mixture of purple, yellow, blue, grey and red had him transfixed.

Elliot knew he should have gone and found a doctor earlier. Found someone with the answers he needed. Someone. Anyone. Normally, he would have demanded to talk to someone as soon as he entered the hospital. He would have been angry and agitated but for the first time in his life he found himself a victim of paralysing fear. Fear of the answers he so desperately wanted. Terrified of what the doctor would tell him. Elliot found it difficult to move, think, speak. All he could see was the injured body of this best friend before him. And that sight was destroying him internally, leaving him detached from everything and everyone in the world except her. Her.

The nurse carefully removed the bandage patch and Elliot watched as the wound behind was revealed.

He'd seen post-surgery unhealed scars before but never on the body of his partner. Never on Olivia. He eyed the former surgical incision. It looked like the cut on her face only much shorter, a little wider and double maybe triple the amount of stitches. The raw skin around was red and swollen. It could have been from anything. He couldn't tell the severity. He didn't even know if she'd been hurt and stitched up after, or if the doctors had opened her up to fix internal damage.

Elliot stood beside her and watched on as the nurse applied antiseptic and re-covered the wound with a new clean patch. He hated feeling powerless while Olivia was in such a state. He hated the fact that she didn't have any family who cared about her. She deserved more than that. She didn't deserve to be alone. _But she's not alone. She's not. She has me. _All she had was Elliot and he knew that wasn't going to change.

The nurse continued to do her job, cleaning around the torn bloodied knuckles now. She looked up at Elliot and noticed the horrified look plastered upon his face. Distressed family members were definitely nothing new to her.

"Sir, it's probably better if you wait outside. I'll find Dr Webber for you."

Elliot found himself giving a small nod and managing to mumble a soft thank you.

He knew it was selfish of him to leave Olivia but he couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle each of her battle wounds being revealed while he watched on feeling ineffective and impotent. Couldn't handle watching and not knowing. Not understanding. He'd known Olivia was hurt;_ hell I'm in a freaking hospital!_ But seeing her, seeing Olivia, made it so real. _Too real._

He slowly made his way to the door. Even though she needed him, Elliot had to leave. He had to leave because if he didn't he would surely break. And he needed to stay strong for her. Even if that meant taking a time out for a few minutes to regain some sort of composure. After looking back at Olivia one last time, Elliot exited the room.

Stepping outside room 4024, he leant back against the hard wall beside the door, slowly sinking down until his bottom rested on the cold hospital floor and his knees were bent up in front of his chest. Elliot moved his arms to let them sit on the top of his knees and let his head fall forward and rest on his folded arms. His head was spinning out of control as the hour's events slowly sunk in. _How did this happen? How did I let this happen? God! And where's Casey? How long does it take to make a fricken phone call? _

"Stabler?!"

Elliot found a familiar voice invading his thoughts. Raising his head to look up, he was greeted by a face he hadn't been expecting.

* * *

_REVIEWS? That little button is waiting for you to push it._


	5. Bastard

**Author's Note:** _Sorry it took a while to get up but it's ultra lengthly to make up for it. Be warned: there's swearing in this one but hey, i'd be swearing too if i was Elliot. New oneshot too by the way, have a look. And i just wanted to say that i thought Lucius Blaine was hilarious and i love how Olivia shows up after Elliot punches him in season seven. Ahh so good! _

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :)

* * *

_**Chapter Five**_

**HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL**

**OREGON**

**13TH NOVEMBER**

"Elliot Stabler, hey man!"

"Jack? Hey!" Elliot rose up from his position on the floor and shook hands with the man.

Jack Morgan had been Elliot's partner in the Special Victims Unit for a brief period before Olivia. _Two of my ex-partners in one hospital… who's next, Lucius Blaine? Maybe even Alfonso?_

Now on his feet, Elliot looked to his left and spotted Casey pacing around at the end of the hallway, cell phone glued to her ear. Jack's deep voice recaptured his attention. Turning back to face the man, Elliot noticed he was dressed in an Oregon PD uniform.

"Wow, long time no see Stabler! What you doing here?"

"Seeing uh…" _Seeing the damage I caused my ex-partner? Seeing the results of me being a total asshole? _"… I'm visiting a friend, a good friend…. Oregon PD? I thought you went into Narcs?"

"Yeah, yeah I did… worked the department for about seven years but then my wife's mom got sick so we moved out here to help take care of her."

"Your wife? You got married?" _Unattached, uninterested, king of cynicism Jack Morgan found himself a woman? _

"Yeah", Jack beamed. "About five years ago. I've got a daughter too, Isabel, she's three. And Shirley's due to pop out number two in about a month", he said with a huge grin. "Hows Kathy and your kids?"

"Uh Kathy and I… we aren't together anymore…", Elliot answered awkwardly. It felt strange enough saying it out loud but saying it to Jack was even weirder.

When they were partners Morgan had always been uninterested in settling down and starting a family whereas Elliot was always telling him he was missing out. Telling him that married life is better. That being with the woman you love is all you need in life. That once you hold your child in your arms, you're changed forever_. _Now Elliot was divorced and alone while Jack was the new family man. _Screw irony._

"But the kids are all good. Growing up fast…" Elliot decided to change the subject and asked the obvious question, "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm working as a uni now. New state, new job y'know. Thought I'd try out being a patrol cop. It's working out well, not as intense as Narcotics. Or Special Victims. I'm on watch at the moment", he answered, pointing behind him to room 4027, situated a little further down the corridor.

_God he's changed, _Elliot thought as he gave an understanding nod.

"Crim or vic?"

"Criminal. He attacked one of our own, a cop. If he wakes up he'll be doing at least 25."

"If?"

"Yeah they ain't sure if he'll make it through or not… she put up a hell of a fight and from what I heard, she got him pretty damn good."

_She._ That caught Elliot's full attention. He hadn't even considered that the victim Jack was talking about could be a woman. _Could it be Olivia? No but there are thousands of women in this city, you know that. It doesn't mean it's her. But it could be. It could be Olivia that he's talking about…_

"Was… do… do you know the victims name?" Elliot couldn't help but ask. Fear was brewing rapidly in the pit of his stomach and he desperately needed to know.

"Nah, I don't really know a lot. Being a uni you don't find out as much. The detectives think they're better than ya, don't bother sharing the details. All I know is what I heard from the guys back at my station… hey you still in SVU?"

Elliot gave a distracted nod and Jack babbled on, oblivious to the fear and uneasiness that had become evident in Elliot's face that was reflecting the mental debate currently occurring in his mind. _You don't know it's her. You know what the rumour mill at the 1-6 is like. He could have it all wrong; uni's wouldn't get very accurate information. You won't know anything until you talk to her handler. That's when you'll get answers. Jack hasn't even mentioned her undercover work… but he wouldn't know about the undercover work would he…?_

"Whoa, average lifespan is four years. You've been in there for what? Six or seven? How're you hanging in there for so long?"

"Eight. I have a hell of a partner." _Had. Had. Had, because you let her leave. _The guilt continued to eat away at Elliot as he thought back to the days where he and Olivia were the perfect team.

He knew she was the reason he'd survived in the job for so long. She knew how to settle his temper. She understood his methods. She trusted him. She was his balance. Their passion for their job was something that no one else could understand. _Not Dani, not Blaine._ No one except them.

Elliot wanted to ask more questions but he hesitated. He was unsure of whether he wanted to hear of the ordeal that might or might no include Olivia. He didn't know if he wanted to listen before a doctor had confirmed that she'd be okay. But his curiosity overpowered his fear.

"What happened? With the guy you're watching. What did he do?"

"Eh from what I've been told, the cops have figured out most of what went on that night. It was a few days ago. We got footage from the car park security camera, but the angle it's taken from doesn't really show much. Practically useless. And there was a witness, a little old lady who saw from her car and dialled 911. She didn't see the whole thing though, only pulled into the car park towards the end. Apparently the vic was going to her car and my guy comes outta nowhere and tries to jump her, right. So then there was a struggle, more of a fight I s'pose. Willis, my mate interviewed the witness… according to her, the victim had more than one opportunity to run but she didn't… she stayed to beat the crap outta him. Either some major rage release or she didn't want the bastard getting away before the cops got him…"

_That sounds like Liv… she wouldn't let him get away. But you know how many women are attacked daily, doesn't mean its her. _Elliot was a bit annoyed at how casually Jack was treating the situation when he could be talking about his best friend. _But then again, he doesn't know any better…_

"… so it was a fight, right. Witness said that the woman was winning. The guy was on the ground, could hardly move but then he gets up and pulls out a knife. He was too fast, she didn't even get a chance to see him. But even after he got her she managed to smack 'im again, hard enough to knock him out…"

_Stabbed. _The mention of the knife sent panic flooding through Elliot's body. He immediately thought of the incision on her stomach._ The victim was stabbed. Olivia had that incision on her stomach. But that doesn't mean that it was a stab wound. Even if it wasn't, the rest of her was covered up. She could have been stabbed somewhere else and I might not have seen… or it could have been what I did see… or it could be someone else entirely. It's someone else. _

"…when me and my guys got there they were both unconscious and bleeding. The old lady, Mary, she'd gotten out of her car and had her hands on the woman y'know, tryna stop the bleeding…"

Elliot tried desperately to be an optimist. To not make assumptions before he had facts. But as he continued to listen in horror to the tale that Jack was unfolding, he was becoming more and more certain that Olivia was the victim he was talking about.

"… I was only there for a second, but man that was enough. It was like some scene outta a movie, so much blood. I haven't seen something like that since I left SVU…"

Against his will, Elliot envisioned Olivia in the position of the victim in the last case he worked on, a woman who had been assaulted, both physically and sexually, and then left unconscious in a dumpster. Elliot nearly vomited from the thought alone.

"… then I got sent straight to secure the area y'know. Away from all the action."

"Oh God." Elliot muttered, perplexed by the tale. He was fighting himself not to imagine Olivia in the situation that had been described to him. _Don't. Don't. You still don't know it was her. You don't know for certain. But it's looking pretty bad. It's her. It has to be her. It's Olivia. It has too be. It's too much of a coincidence._

"Yeah I know ay. Negatives of the job. We might lock up the bad guys but seeing the innocent people as vics… it never gets any easier. She was a tough one though… attractive too… pity."

_Tough. Attractive. That doesn't mean Olivia. There are thousands of tough attractive women in this state. Hundreds of tough attractive cops. Wait, she's a cop…_

"Why didn't she have back up?" Elliot asked suddenly.

"Huh?"

"You said it was a cop, why didn't she have a partner or any back up?"

"She wasn't on call… just waking to her car. The guy mustn't have known she was a cop otherwise he wouldn't have gone for her. She wasn't in uniform… she had an unmarked car… he didn't know."

"What else have you heard?" Elliot asked, remembering the year he and Jack spent as partners. _The guy always forgets parts of his stories and remembers them after. _Elliot needed something solid. Something that told him the horrific story he had been told wasn't just about some random Oregon woman. Something that told him that this victim was Olivia.

"Hmmm…" after a pause, Jack continued."Oh yeah! One of my buddies that showed up at the scene, he's a sheriff…Mike Bartley. And I'm not really supposed to know this, but he says he spoke to a fed the day before and turns out she'd just left undercover work. Been down with some greenies, even got charged for assaulting an officer at one of them rally things! Spent a night in the prison ward of this place. She was using some funny name, Hermione or something like that but then her handler, the fed that Mike spoke to, Porter, he outed her. She was with him just before it happened, got snagged on her way to her car but uh… you didn't hear that from me yeah? Man if it wasn't for my men on the inside I wouldn't find out nothin'…"

_Fuck. _Elliot continued to curse in his mind. _Fuck, fuck, FUCK! _Although deep down he already knew that the victim was Olivia, he'd been dreading hearing that final confirming piece of evidence that he knew was coming. And there it was. The proof that this conversation he had been having with his first partner was about an attack on Olivia. Not some woman he didn't know. Not some unlucky woman who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. On Olivia. Olivia had been assaulted and stabbed! _Olivia. Fucking stabbed. With a fucking knife._

"She's my old partner." Elliot said softly.

"Huh?"

"The victim. Olivia. Olivia Benson. She's my old partner. She's the reason I'm in Oregon."

"Ah shit! It's never fair is it? Sorry man, she did a lot of good."

_Did? She's not dead. She's not dying. Is she? She's had a freaking knife through her though. That could kill her._

"Does." Elliot corrected bluntly.

"Huh?" Morgan asked again, clearly confused.

"Does. You said 'did'. She's alive. Does. She does a lot of good work."

"Oh. Oh yeah sorry." Morgan apologised for his mistake, noticing the defensive tone that crept into Elliot's voice when he talked about her. "I haven't been able to go in and see her coz I've been on watch but I heard she's in pretty rough shape. But word is she's a warrior. Hell! You should see the other guy!"

As he said the words, Jack registered his position in the hallway. "Shit! I'm not meant to leave my post." Realising where he was he quickly turned and walked back down the corridor to the door marked 4027, the room he was supposed to be guarding.

Elliot followed, still reeling. Still trying to process all the information he'd received in the past hour. _Olivia's been working undercover with the FBI. She was arrested for assault on an officer? Then she was attacked on the night before she was meant to come back to New York. Some fuckwit put a knife through her. No doctors have given me any proper fucking information yet. _

"Wait. The guy who hurt her is on the other side of this door?" Elliot asked, using his thumb to point at the door behind him and Jack nodded.

"Can I… uh can I see him?" Elliot asked, unsure if he actually wanted to see the guy or not.

'Yeah man, go ahead. But we can't be too long, procedure y'know… no one's supposed to be in here."

Jack also knew that Elliot in the room with his partner's attacker wasn't a good idea. Elliot's temper had caused problems for the pair in the past. H_e doesn't seem as angry as I thought he'd be though, but he's probably in shock I guess._

"Yeah I know, thanks" Elliot replied as Jack opened the door and the two men entered the room.

Elliot walked closer towards the bed that held Olivia's attacker. The man who had beaten Olivia to a pulp and would have left her to die if he had the chance. Staring at the man, he had to admit that as bad as Olivia looked, this guy looked a lot worse.

_Tim Dixon,_ Elliot read off the tag above the bed, "This… this is him? This is the guy that attacked her?" Elliot spoke but his voice sounded different, he hardly recognised it as his own.

"Yeah… we could have just cuffed him to the bed so then I wouldn't have to spend my days in this place but we gotta talk to him as soon as he wakes up. Doc says he might start forgetting things otherwise."

Elliot could no longer hear the words that Jack spoke. All he could see was the man in front of him. The man that had viciously hurt his best friend. Him and the images of Olivia's lifeless body that had flooded his mind.

"Fucking bastard."

Elliot's eyes scanned Dixon, taking in his injuries. He had oily black hair and looked about 30 years old. He was bigger than Olivia, much bigger. Practically his whole face was bruised and swollen, especially around his eyes. _That's Liv, going for the weak spots. _He had small cuts scattered all over his face. Elliot recognised them as scratches. His neck was clear though. _She didn't go for his neck. Unlike this monster. _Elliot remembered the white patch. The chaffed skin. The dark bruising around her windpipe.

He could see the outline of bandaging around the guy's shoulder and upper arm area where it slightly protruded out from beneath his gown. He had scratches all over his arms too. They almost looked like claw marks. As he looked at them, he imagined Olivia trying to fight him off her.

Elliot noticed that the perp's right arm was in plaster, just like his son Dickie's had been when he broke it a few years ago. _She broke his arm and judging but the state of his hands, he was right handed too. _His battered hands matched Olivia's. The right in much worse condition than the left. The right was totally encased in plaster and Elliot wondered whether that meant she had broken part of his hand as well or maybe shattered the entire thing. It wouldn't surprise him. He knew she was strong. He knew what she was capable of.

He also knew what Tim Dixon was capable of. Such brutality. Such human evil. Just looking at him made Elliot sick. The hate he felt for this man was beyond words.

Dixon was covered from the waist down but the thin blanket didn't conceal the uneven surfaces on his body. Elliot assumed that the injuries beneath the blankets were pretty serious if they were worried that he wasn't going to wake up. _That or serious internal damage. I didn't even think of internal. God knows what other injuries Liv's got. Fuck._

There was a long silence before Elliot spoke again.

"He… he didn't rape her did he?"

He thought of the scratches and bruises up and down her arms. He knew that they were classic injuries of rape victims. The question had been in the back of his mind since he first got the news that Olivia had been hospitalised. Being an SVU detective, Elliot knew how real the possibility was. How many innocent women were raped daily. But it was Olivia. And that idea that she was now one of these women fucking terrified him.

"I dunno El… it was certainly on his agenda… when we got there, he'd ripped all her clothes… they were hanging off. From what I heard, the witness didn't see the entire attack so I don't know… it's possible. But she might of screwed up his MO… he probably didn't get the chance…"

_Probably. Probabilities aren't what I'm fucking looking for._

"Sorry I don't know specifics man. Like I said, all I know is what I hear." Jack apologised, wishing he could help Elliot out more. He also hoped that half the stuff he'd told Elliot was false. Rumours. Because he couldn't imagine how it must feel to know that a good friend had gone through such an ordeal.

Jack watched as Elliot continued to stare at Dixon intensely. Although they had their differences, he and Elliot had got along pretty well as partners and had gotten to know each other.

Jack saw the protective tone that Elliot had taken on. He used to see it come out whenever Elliot's wife or kids were involved. It was a reflection of how important they were to him. Now, seven years later, he could still recognise it. Only this time it wasn't his family bringing it out in him. It was his partner. His ex-partner.

_I wonder how long they were partners. She came in after me but surely they didn't stay together that long? El made out as if they'd been partners all this time though. Could they have been together up until she started undercover a few weeks ago? But that's eight years. That would explain why he's so spaced. Hell he's travelled across the country to see her; they had to be close. And he did say she was a good friend… God, eight years as partners. _

Jack wanted to ask but he could read Elliot well enough to see it was a sensitive spot. He would just stick to his assumption that they had been partners for eight years. _That's a hell of a long time… longer than any that I've heard of in an SVU squad_

Elliot knew his limits. Knew what he could take. What he could stand. And knowing that this man before him was the man who had put his best friend in her current condition was not something he could stand. He swiftly exited the room. A minute longer and he knew he would have launched over the bed and killed the guy.

Once outside door, Elliot took a deep breath to try to stifle the urge to turn back around and strangle out whatever bit of life that Tim Dixon still possessed.

"Elliot!"

Upon hearing Casey's voice, Elliot turned and spotted her with the nurse and another man outside Olivia's door.

"Jack I gotta go man" Elliot said, outstretching his hand.

"Alright no problem. Was good to see you, take care. Hope she's alright man" Jack said genuinely with a friendly smile as the men shook hands once more.

"Yeah thanks..." Elliot called back, already making his way up the hall. _Me too._

_That guy doesn't look like a doctor. He doesn't even have a coat, _Elliot thought, approaching the trio. Once he reached the group, the nurse spoke first.

"I'm sorry Mr Stabler, Chief Webber is in surgery at the moment. He'll be in to talk to you as soon as he is done. There's a cafeteria on level two, and feel free to let any of the nurses know if you need anything."

The nurse gave Elliot a friendly smile and he muttered a soft "okay, thank you" before she turned and left.

Elliot turned his attention to Casey, but suddenly aware of the stranger standing with them.

"Elliot, this is Dean Porter. He was Olivia's handler while she was working here. Dean this-"

"And you must be the famous Elliot Stabler. Liv talked about you a lot. Don't know how you put up with her for so long", Porter tried to joke.

'We're best friends." Elliot shot back, ignoring Dean's attempt at light hearted humour as well as his outstretched hand waiting to shake. _Like this is a time for jokes. And who the hell does he think he is calling her Liv. He hardly knows her._

After no movement from Elliot, Dean pulled his hand back. He immediately thought of the last time he was in the car with Olivia and noticed how her reaction had been exactly the same...

_Dean__: Your partner back in New York, does he find you as annoying as I do?  
__Olivia:__ We're best friends._

"What was she doing working with you?" Elliot demanded. _It's about time I get some proper fucking answers._

"That's classified information."

"You're the guy that was supposed to protect her. Why weren't you with her? YOU'RE WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT HER!!" Elliot yelled.

His numbness, confusion and shock was now gone and had been replaced by the anger and rage that would have originally inhabited him. In need of someone to direct his repressed anger at, Elliot found himself roaring at Dean. All he knew was that this guy, Porter, was someone he could finally blame. Someone other than himself.

"Elliot he-" Casey tried to interrupt as her mediating skills kicked in but she was cut off by Dean.

"She was out of my care! Her work with us was done. She came in to deposit all her Freed-James id and pick up her Benson stuff. She'd parked in a public car park a block away from our headquarters. She was out of my care!" Dean tried to defend himself as he saw the anger burning in Elliot's eyes. '_Best friends' was an understatement._

"Only just." Elliot shot back.

"GUYS! Please this isn't going to help Liv okay" Casey tried to reason.

Elliot turned so he was facing Olivia's door and once again looked through the glass pane. Still, the foot of the bed was all he could see but he noticed something he hadn't before. Beneath the blankets, one of her feet looked bigger. _More bandages. Or extreme swelling. Either way its another injury. God what else did I miss. _

Without turning around he broke the prevailing silence and spoke directly to Dean.

"You better pray to God that she's okay."

"Look, this isn't my fault. The witness said she had enough time to get out of there and if she did she would have escaped most of her injuries. It's not my fault that she doesn't know when to stop."

That was it. _Who the fuck did this guy think he was blaming Olivia for this?_

Without any warning, Elliot whirled around and punched Dean in the side of his face with all the strength he possessed.

"ELLIOT!" Casey screamed, grabbing his arm in case he decided to take another swing. They both knew that Olivia was always the one to keep Elliot's temper in line. And Olivia wasn't here.

"Don't! DON'T TALK ABOUT HER! HOW DARE YOU BLAME HER!" Elliot screamed as Dean fell to the ground.

"SHE STAYED SO THE POLICE WOULD HAVE A CHANCE OF CATCHING THE GUY YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!" Elliot yelled, not caring who heard him.

Casey noticed a few of the nurses giving disapproving looks towards the three.

"Elliot! Stop." She ordered, bending down beside a much disorientated looking Dean who had sat himself up and used his hand to put pressure on his bleeding face.

Casey knew Elliot had plenty more where that came from. There couldn't be much stopping him from jumping on Dean and bashing the crap out of him. Standing back up, she pulled out her cell phone and thrust it in Elliot's face

"Go. We haven't called Cragen yet. Call him and fill him in."

Elliot stared at Casey blankly so she spoke again, "take it and go Elliot. GO!"

He finally took the phone and gave Porter a glare that could kill before stomping off to make the call.

"Cragen." Don said gruffly.

"Cap its Elliot, we're in Oregon."

"How is she?" Cragen asked immediately.

"I haven't spoken to her doctor yet because he's in surgery but she's… she's not looking too good." Once again images of Olivia's battered body invaded his mind. It hurt him just to think about it.

"Do we know what happened yet?"

"Not exactly. I ran into Morgan, he's working Vice… he told me about an attack a few nights ago. Story seems to match Liv's condition but… well I don't know yet. I'm sure it was her though Don. Casey's getting answers out of her handler, a guy called Dean Porter. Turns out she was working undercover with the FBI."

Cragen already knew she had been working FBI but he bit his tongue. He knew how mad elliot would be if he found out Cragen had been withholding information. _Wait, why isn't Elliot talking to Dean? He should be first one wanting answers._

"Why aren't you talking to Porter?"

"Uhh… I just… I punched him."

"Ellio-" Cragen began. _God can't the man control his temper without Olivia._

"Guy's a real prick Don. Casey's gonna talk to him…"

Elliot was clearly stressed and Cragen knew better than to lecture him now.

"Look Cap, I don't know when we'll be back. Her doctors in surgery at the moment and God…"

he paused and Cragen heard him take a deep breathe in.

"… God Don if… if… if you saw her…"

Cragen noticed how much difficulty Elliot was having trying to form a sentence, and it worried him even more.

"It's okay Elliot, stay as long as you need to… get a cheap motel room."

"We didn't bring anything though, not much anyway. Before we left I grabbed a few things from my locker and Casey brought a bag she had in her car for when she stays overnight at the office… but we'll make do."

"Casey's probably going to have to fly back anyway if she's got a trial to work on…"

"Yeah she's called her office. I don't know cap we'll talk about it soon, when she comes back. But either way I'm staying. Liv… she… she needs me. And I'm gonna stay as long as she needs me to."

"Elliot I don't think you're really prepared for a long trip…"

"I'll make do. I have family around here. I can't…" Cragen picked up on the way Elliot's voice softened. "… I can't leave her Don. I can't."

Knowing there was no point in arguing, Don agreed. "Alright. Give me a call when you know something though okay?"

"Will do Cap."

Elliot hung up the phone and headed back to where Casey and Dean were standing in front of Olivia's room. Seeing him heading towards him, Porter started to slowly walk away, clutching his still bleeding face. _This guy's anger management might leave me seriously hurt._

"Elliot I know how hard this is for you but you've got to control yourself. Punching the shit out of Dean isn't gonna help Olivia. There's a clinic downstairs, I'm gonna take him down there to get his face looked at. There's a lot of blood… you hit him pretty hard you know." Casey said once Elliot reached her.

"I don't care." Elliot said bluntly.

"I won't be long. Hopefully I'll be able to get some answers about what happened since he's sure as hell not gonna be telling you anything."

Elliot considered telling Casey what he already knew but decided against it. Dean would probably have more specific information than Jack did but Casey was right, he wouldn't want to share the details with the guy who just smacked his teeth out._ Dean might be an ass, but he's an ass with answers._ Plus, he wanted Porter gone and someone needed to hear his part of the story.

So Elliot kept his mouth shut and watched as Casey caught up with Dean and the two headed towards the elevator, once again leaving him alone.

* * *

_So as you can see, she was under her real name because she was back to being Olivia since she had just handed in her Persephone id. Originally Jack was going to be Brian Cassidy because I loved him when he was Munch's partner in season one, but it wasn't working out so I had to make this new guy up. I love that episode where Elliot asks Liv how long she's been sleeping with Brian. And how he totally knew even though she hadn't told him that they'd had sex. Aw bet El was hell jealous. _

_Anyway it was super long (like this AN), so how about a review?_


	6. Existence

**Author's Note:** _There's some swearing in this one too. Some lines from Elliot's little speech are borrowed from Missy Higgins - Where I stood. Once again, it's an EO Friendship. So anyway, good old channel ten is finally airing 'Paternity' this Thursday night so I can finally watch the whole thing and I'm so excitedd!! But pissed because Australia's so behind. It's going to be ages until they put on 'Undercover' but I'm trying not to watch it online because I don't wanna spoil it! Harder than it sounds._

_Tiffany- That's all be coming up but not in this one, probably in chapter eight._

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :)

* * *

_**Chapter Six**_

**HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL**

**OREGON**

**13TH NOVEMBER**

Upon stepping back into Olivia's room, Elliot immediately directed his focus on her face and he found that he had the sudden urge to cry. An urge which he managed to suppress for the time being. After spotting a plastic chair situated against the back wall, he grabbed it by the handles and pulled it up to her bedside before taking a seat.

The bandages encasing Olivia's hands shone white, now free from any dried blood. He noticed that the left hand, the one that lay on the sheet in front of him, had been left unbandaged. Since it was the less damaged of the two, Elliot assumed it had been left exposed to let the skin breath. He gently took her hand in his own once more and let her swollen fingers fall limply over his. He examined her knuckles. He recognised the inflammation. The bruising. The mangalation. His had looked identical numerous times after run-ins with walls, lockers, punching bags… After his anger had gotten the better of him. Like it just had with Dean Porter. _But Olivia wasn't taking out her anger… she was fighting for her life… she had to fight. _

Elliot's attention moved to Olivia's hair. The only part of her that hadn't been hurt. Attacked. Violated. It lay limply around her battered, discoloured battered face. He noticed that it had grown since he last saw her. Almost reaching her shoulders now. It was a little lighter too. It framed her face perfectly.

He continued to observe, picking up on things he hadn't noticed before. _She looks thinner too._ She hadn't lost a large amount of weight but it was enough to notice. Her arms were a lot slimmer and although not much more of her body was exposed, Elliot noticed her protruding collar bone just above the edge of the hospital gown. _It didn't look like that when I last saw her. Maybe she hasn't been taking care of herself while she's been working here… maybe she was unhappy. Or maybe she's just lost the weight since she's been in this place._

_Shouldn't she have woken up by now? I've been here for hours. Why isn't she awake? I wonder if she's been unconscious since that night. Maybe she has. That would mean she hasn't eaten. She looks like she hasn't eaten in a while. Could it be a coma? Probably, if she hasn't woken up at all. The bastard put her in a fucking coma... _

The extreme hatred that Elliot felt towards Tim Dixon was like no other he'd felt before. The anger that he had for this man for hurting Olivia was like nothing Elliot had ever felt before. But this was nothing compared to the anger he felt when his mind would no longer let him push the possibility out of his mind. The possibility. The possibility that Olivia, lying here broken before him, had been violated in the worst way possible. _God, what if he raped her. Jack said it was a possibility. He said probably not but what the fuck does he know. The guy attacked her with the purpose of raping her, what if he did. This can't fucking be happening to her... she's a sex crimes detective, she can't of gotten fricken raped. But look what he did to her, he could have done anything before that old lady pulled in. God why does this have to be Olivia? Why can't it just be someone else? Why wasn't I with her! Why is she even in this state! Fuck. Fucking hell. I swear to God if her touched her… _If Elliot found out that the prick that did this had raped Olivia or even tried to, he would personally go across the hall and kill him. In fact, there wasn't much holding him back from destroying the guy right now. The only thing that was stopping him was her. She'd been lying here alone for too long and he wasn't going to leave her side.

The realisation of just how close Olivia had come to death shook him to his core. That as well as knowing that the worst wasn't over yet. _It couldn't be because she's not awake. If she was okay she would be awake. But she's not and that's bad. Because that means she might not survive this… she might not… no. No. She will. She'll be fine._

Elliot shuffled a little, bringing his chair closer to the edge of her bed and brought his other hand up so both were holding onto Olivia's unbandaged one. He thought of all the times that she had had his back over their years as partners. She always had. She was always there when he needed her. When he needed a partner or when he needed a friend. Either way, it was Olivia that he needed. He needed her because she was his strength. And now she lay here, beaten and bruised, and it was his turn. Elliot's turn to be there for her.

Against his will, scenarios were rapidly invading Elliot's mind. It was like the nightmares he'd been having about the bus station, only this time he wasn't asleep. His eyes weren't even closed. And this time, it wasn't Gitano with the knife. It was Dixon. And the wound to Olivia's neck wasn't superficial.

He thought of how her body looked on the station ground from his position between her and Ryan. He remembered how he ran and fell to floor beside her. He thought she was dead that day. If he was with her this time he would have done the same thing. He would have chosen her over the job. And this time, he would have done it without hesitation. Elliot knew he'd choose her anyday. And even though he wasn't supposed to, he'd choose her again and again. He wondered if she'd been in any similar situations while she'd been here. In a situation where her handler had to choose between her and a victim. Or even a perp. W_ho would Dean choose…?_

He envisioned the parking lot where the Dixon scene played out. He didn't want to but he couldn't stop it. Couldn't control it. He saw the fight just as Jack Morgan had described it. He saw Tim Dixon grab Olivia when she wasn't expecting it. Saw her fighting him off. Kicking his ass until he pulled out the knife. He heard her scream. Scream and then hit Dixon one last time before falling to the ground. He saw the witness running out from her car. Falling to the ground beside Olivia, just as he had that day in the station. He saw the blood. So much blood. Both his and hers. Then the police swarming the crime scene…

Elliot suddenly realised he was unconsciously squeezing her hand. He immediately loosened his grip, fearing the additional pain he would be causing her. However, he saw absolutely no reaction from her at all. And that worried him even more.

He remembered the times he had tried to find her. When he had tried to track her down. Back in the beginning before he realised that if she wanted to be found she would have called.

_Elliot: Where is she?  
__Huang: I don't know  
__Elliot: Then tell me who does, I'll talk to them.  
__Huang: I can't do that.  
__Elliot: Are you playing company man with me, Doctor? I'm not going to give away state secrets, I just want to make sure Liv is safe._

He gave up eventually though. He suspected that the captain was holding out on him but he knew there was nothing he could do. No one was willing to reveal any information. It was up to Olivia if she wanted to come back to him. Elliot had prayed that she would. He had prayed to God for a second chance. And now he found himself praying again. Praying. Begging. Begging for another chance with Olivia. Desperately begging for the strength of God to help her pull through this.

Being alone with her for so long had gotten to him. Casey hadn't returned and Elliot assumed that that meant that the ER was busy. For the past hour he'd watched her wounded chest slowly rise and fall. He could only imagine how painful each shuddering breath must be for her. He watched her lie there, aided by machines. The gentle hum and steady beeps polluting the silence. The tubes running out of her arms, her nose. The cables from beneath her hospital gown, running from her chest.

Watching this scene for an hour had Elliot's mind ready to implode. Made his thoughts consume him. Eat at him until he could no longer hold it back. Until he stopped trying to be tough. And strong. Because the sight before him, the woman he once thought of as invincible, was broken. And he cried. He cried for the first time in a long time. The tears silently streamed down Elliot's face while he gripped her hand a little tighter. He hadn't let go since he re-entered the room an hour ago.

And for the first time since he arrived, Elliot talked to unconscious Olivia. He spoke softly, his voice barely audible.

"Olivia I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let you go. God Liv. Why did I let you leave? Why didn't I stop you? Christ, I'm such an idiot. If I didn't let you go… if I stopped you… you wouldn't be here. I'm your partner. I'm meant to always have your back. I already failed that too.

That day with Gitano in the station. I should have shot the guy from where I was. He was threatening you with a knife and I just stood there. Stood there watching. I should have moved. Should have done something. But I stood there and watched as he cut you and you fell to the ground. And then I hesitated. I hesitated about where to go and there shouldn't have been hesitation. Because you're my partner and I was supposed to have your back but I didn't have your back.

And whether I'm supposed to or not I love you. Olivia, you mean more to me than anyone I've ever loved before. You have to understand that if I'd lost you that day I could never forgive myself. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. But it's not an excuse for how I treated you. Not even close. I just… god. I'm so sorry."

Elliot was choking on his words now as his tears continued to increase.

"I… I let you down and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please… please don't die. Because if you die, I don't know what I'll do. I don't know who I am without you. You're so fucking important to me, and I'm so sorry that I've never told you that before. Please. Please just get better… "

Elliot was begging now. Begging Olivia. Begging God. Begging anyone.

"If you can't do it for you, then do it for me. I'm your best friend and I need you. It's selfish but it's true. I'm a different person without you and I don't like who I've become. I'm lost without you Liv, I've been lost without you. It's me and you against the world remember. Remember when you said that? God you don't understand how much I need you. We all need you. Fin, Munch and Casey. And Cragen... God Cragen needs you to keep me in line. I've been driving him crazy. They're waiting for you Liv. The station's not the same without you…

I know you already fought. I know you fought with everything you had that night but you can't stop okay. You have to keep fighting. You need to be okay. You have to get better. You need to. This isn't it. We don't end like this Liv. We don't end like this."

He noticed that blood was slowly seeping through the bandage patch on Olivia's neck.

"I know you. I know you better than anybody on this earth and I know you can do this. You can survive this. You have to because I don't… I don't know how to exist in a world where you don't."

His last sentence came out as a whisper. A final desperate plea from a man to his best friend.

And then Elliot was overcome with an excruciating wave of sadness. Because he realised that he'd said everything he needed to say. He'd said everything that he'd held in over the years. Over the months. Over the weeks. He said it but Olivia wasn't there to hear it. She was there but she wasn't _there._

And knowing this killed Elliot even more.

He sat alone with Olivia for a little while longer. Hearing the door open, Elliot wiped the tears that remained.

Casey entered the room and saw Elliot sitting by the bed, his hands holding on to Olivia's. She wanted to tell him what Dean had told her but he didn't seem ready. It was something about the way he was staring at Olivia. The way he hadn't even turned around. It told her that he'd ask her when he was ready.

She pulled up a chair beside Elliot and sat silently. Similar thoughts to those of Elliot were running through her head. She thought of the times that she too, had unsuccessfully attempted to find Olivia…

_Casey: Hey, captain! Elliot around?  
Munch: He just went out on a call with Dani.  
Casey: Well, I need to get in touch with Liv.  
Cragen: Forget it. He doesn't know where she is.  
Casey: Do you?  
Cragen: Nope.  
Munch: Word in the conspiracy mill is she's out having my love child._

_Casey: Look, I just need her for a day. I just want to see her.  
Cragen: (sternly) No.  
Casey: Come on! She can't be thwarting arson plots everyday! For all we know, she's got some down time right now, and is bored out of her skull!_

_Down time… Bored out of her skull… ha! More like lying unconscious in this place. I should have tried to contact her earlier… I shouldn't have waited until the case. We're friends as well as colleagues. I should have tried…_

Casey's eyes scanned Olivia, examining her injuries. She took in each cut, scratch and bruise as she recalled the events that Dean had recapped for her and imagined the night when the attack happened, just as Elliot had.

After a long silence, Elliot spoke but he didn't take his eyes off her. He continued to stare, his eyes fixed on her and only her. Fixed as if that would protect her from any future harm that would come her way.

"Where is he?"

"He left. I asked him to. I thought it would be for the best."

"You realise the guy is a total dickhead."

"I know. But he's worried about her too Elliot."

"He tried to blame her. That's a fucking funny way of showing it."

"He was trying to defend himself from your attack."

"It wasn't an attack it was… well I guess it kind of was. But he should have been there. If he'd kept her safe none of this would have happened."

"I know Elliot."

There was a silent pause before Elliot spoke again.

"What did he say?"

"That she's been working with him for weeks. Undercover in a secret infiltration operation tha-"

"With greenies. Hah could you imagine Liv as a greenie." With his eyes still trained on Olivia, Elliot managed a small smile as he imagined her hugging a tree.

"How did you know that?"

"Before when the nurse was in here, I was speaking to the guy watching Dixon's door… he was an old partner of mine… Jack Morgan. He told me."

"Oh", was the only response Casey could come up with. She wondered why he hadn't told her that he had information earlier but she assumed it had something to do with getting rid of Dean and decided to let it slide. After all, _she _was the one with the actual answers now.

"What else Casey?"

"According to Porter, the guy, Tim Dixon, is a serial rapist that Oregon SVU's been after for weeks. They've come close to getting him but he's been too fast. He had the same MO every time… jumps women in parking lots, beats them, rapes them, robs them and runs…"

Casey continued on. Her recap of the night was very similar to Jack's, only more detailed. But still the story left one question unanswered. The question that Elliot was desperate to have answered.

"Casey, did Porter say… did he tell you if… if she was raped?" He was still having trouble voicing the question. It wasn't one he ever thought he'd be asking yet he was for the second time that day.

"No Elliot."

"No, he didn't tell you? Or no, she wasn't?" _God she's a lawyer, shouldn't she give proper answers._

Casey opened her mouth to answer but closed it when she heard a noise behind her. Hearing the creak of the door as it opened, both heads spun around and saw the nurse from before with a doctor beside her.

"Excuse me, sorry to interrupt… I'm Dr Webber."

* * *

_I just watched 'Fault' again because it's one of the best episodes ever made and now I'm looking for a good EO fic to cheer me up... any suggestions?_


	7. Kidneys

**Author's Note:** _Woo Mariska won TV Guide's Sexiest Smart Chick :) and her and Chris look so hot in the New York's Finest picture. The video of their TV Guide photoshoot is up and its so cute, EO fans gotta watch it. Sorry that there's not much Casey focus, I'm not really a fan of her. And_ _there's swearing in this one as well, my apologies but I think people would be going ape shit in this situation. Maybe I need to change the rating?_

**DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing. Except my story :) _And Richard Webber belongs to Shonda Rhimes. My god, I love Grey's Anatomy. Speaking of Grey's, did anyone see Stephanie March on it a couple of weeks ago? Gotta say I miss ADA Alex Cabot. AND THERE'S NO CASEY NOVAK IN SEASON TEN! I'm not too upset, how about you? _

* * *

_**Chapter**__** Seven**_

**HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL**

**OREGON**

**13TH NOVEMBER**

"Casey?" Elliot prodded, ignoring the presence of the doctor and nurse. He needed an answer. 'Needed' was an understatement. He'd broken out in a small sweat knowing he was so close to finding out for certain.

"No, she wasn't raped Elliot."

The minute that the words left Casey's mouth, an immeasurable amount of relief washed over Elliot. However, it was only short-lived as he noticed the solemn expression on the face of the doctor that was now making his way towards them. _That's not good…_

The nurse had left once had Chief Webber set foot into the room. Upon reaching them, he extended a hand towards Casey who shook it and introduced both of them.

"Hi, I'm ADA Casey Novak. And this is Detective Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson's former partner."

_Former partner. Former._ Since her departure from the unit, Elliot had felt a stab of guilt every time he'd said the word. And every time he'd heard it said by someone else he felt a surge of regret that left a cloud of shame within him. _I'm such a fricken idiot. _Hearing Casey introduce him as Olivia's _former _partner only strengthened his wish that he could somehow go back in time and change things. Go back before any of this, before Dixon and even before Gitano. Go back and make sure that Olivia knew how important she was to him. Make sure that she knew so that when the time came, she would understand the reasons behind his actions.

Webber nodded and shook Elliot's hand as well. "I'm Richard Webber, Chief of Surgery here at Holy Cross and Olivia's treating physician."

Doctor Webber was considerably taller than Elliot was, so Elliot found himself looking up towards the surgeon while he spoke. His voice was deep and strong and if it weren't for his eyes, he'd seem like the type to be incredibly cold. But his eyes expressed a softness. Compassion. They were a gentle brown. Just like Olivia's. She was tough when she had to be. Hardened up with the perps, and the suspects, slapped them around a bit when she had to. But when it came to the victims or their families, there was no one who dealt with them better than Olivia Benson did. Elliot wasn't sure if the reason she empathised so well was because she was a woman or because of her past, but it didn't matter. She was a good cop. And an even better person. The world couldn't lose her. He couldn't lose her.

Elliot thought that if anyone were going to operate on Olivia, he'd want this guy. Not only was he the chief, _probably the most experienced, _but from the kindness in his eyes Elliot could tell that he was the kind of person who would genuinely care about his patients. Still, he wondered why the man had such a grave expression on his face. _That's gotta be bad news._

Webber's voice snapped Elliot out of his trance, "I understand that you are Ms Benson's emergency contact. We apologise for not contacting you earlier Mr Stabler, our staff tried a few times but were unable to reach you. We've been trying to get in touch with her relatives but we were unable to find any…"

"Yeah, she doesn't have any. We're her family." Elliot replied before looking back over his shoulder at Olivia.

_I'm your family._

Even though he'd been told twice now, Elliot felt that he needed confirmation from a qualified medical source. From someone who would have been involved in performing a rape kit. Someone who was one hundred percent reliable. Someone like Richard Webber.

"Doctor, she wasn't raped was she?"

Casey looked over at Elliot with questioning eyes since she'd told him the answer just minutes ago.

"No, Olivia wasn't sexually assaulted however; she's endured numerous physical injuries that are just as serious."

Satisfied that Tim Dixon did not get his package anywhere near Olivia, Elliot was ready to hear the medical side of her story. Not exactly ready, but as ready as he was ever going to be.

"Okay, okay... go on."

"Please." Casey added in.

"Alright. Well I'm unsure of what you already know, but the police have informed us that there was a vicious attack. Olivia suffered numerous injuries from what we understand was a harsh struggle.

There's been obvious damage to her face; extreme swelling and bruising which will heal itself, the process has already begun." _It's already healing? How fucking bad must it have been before? _"And also, a lengthy laceration on the right side. We put in six stitches that we'll remove in a few of days, depending on how well it's fixing up. We treated a moderate abrasion to her neck, and one to her shoulder that required a couple of stitches. There's bruising to her windpipe, caused by human contact, as well as similar bruising to her arms…"

Someone was finally giving him proper answers and Elliot tried his best to keep Dr Webber as his point of convergence but even though he hated seeing her in such a condition, Elliot couldn't help but look over his shoulder at Olivia every few minutes.

"We set a fracture to her ankle. Normally, the injury would restrict her walking ability during its healing time but because of Olivia's current condition, it won't be a problem. We also set another fracture in her right hand. Olivia suffered obvious significant damage to both her hands, especially the right where she had two dislocated knuckles. However, these wounds have been treated and should fully heal over time. Within the next few weeks, her casts will have to be changed, or removed if necessary.

_This isn't too bad, everything will heal itself… but he hasn't mentioned surgery yet. Or Dixon putting a fucking knife through her._

"The bruising and scratches on her arms, legs and neck aren't too serious and will heal as well however, this isn't the case for all her internal injuries."

_Or not…_

"Doctor why isn't she awake?" Elliot interrupted, not knowing why it hadn't occurred to him to ask earlier.

"She's been in an induced coma since surgery to give her body time to heal and also because even with our strongest meds, the pain from her injuries would be unbearable."

"Oh." Was the only reply Elliot could conjure. _Unbearable. Olivia could handle a few breaks and bruises… what the fuck's going on inside her… _

Elliot continued to listen as the apparently endless list continued, bracing himself for what horrific injuries he'd be told about next.

"Olivia was rushed into surgery as soon as she was admitted. We almost lost her on the table more than once, but she's a fighter."

"Yeah. Yeah she is." Elliot said knowingly, trying hard not to notice the change in Dr Webber's tone and hoping that something else positive was coming up. However, the change in voice told him otherwise.

Unable to help it, Elliot looked back over his shoulder once more. Olivia looked so peaceful in her slumber, and even if it was medically induced, he was thankful for that.

"Severe abdominal bruising and swelling indicates that the attacker used great force and judging by the foot-print shaped welts on her abdomen, he was wearing heavy boots at the time" Dr Webber continued. "We believe that this action accounted for her three broken ribs as well as severe internal bleeding, and damage to her spleen and both kidneys. We were able to repair most of the damage. We controlled the bleeding in the spleen and we've put a cast around her chest to help her ribs to heal." _That's good. This is good news. So what's with his face?_ "We're monitoring her regularly in case any of the ribs puncture her lungs. But the stab wound has complicated the situation… "

Elliot remembered the bloody bandage on her stomach, and the dark bruising around it. Footprints. The mere memory made his sick to his stomach. Against his will, the visual of Dixon attacking Olivia came flooding back and Elliot felt a familiar burning sensation run through his veins. Rage. Pure unadulterated fury. _Just relax, _he coaxed himself mentally, pushing it into the back chambers of his mind._ It's not the fucking time._

"During surgery, we discovered that the angle and depth that the blade of the knife went into Olivia's stomach caused irreparable damage to her right kidney which is affecting her body's ability to heal itself. It _is_ possible for a person to live with only one kidney, however with the significant amount of damage that her left kidney sustained, her body won't be able to handle it.

Olivia is on the transplant list and we're waiting to hear from UNOS but kidneys aren't readily available. And unless the more damaged kidney is replaced during the next one or two days, she doesn't have much of a chance of survival. We've scheduled a nephrectomy, which is a surgery to remove the right kidney, for tomorrow… we're trying to give UNOS a bit more time but we're not sure how many more nights she'll make it through in this condition. The worse of the two kidneys needs to be removed. Her renal system is already compromised and will soon shut down, which would be followed by the rest of Olivia's body doing the same. "

_She doesn't have much of a chance of survival. We're not sure how many more nights she'll make it through in this condition. _Elliot stared at his feet in silence as the weight of Chief Webber's words sunk in. _She's dying. She can't be fucking dying. Not Olivia. He just went on about how they've operated on everything and she's healing. And now she's fucking about to die. What the fuck?!_

"So Olivia needs a kidney or she'll die?" Casey asked, unsure if she understood correctly.

"Yes ma'am, I'm afraid so. UNOS will notify us when one that is the same blood type as Olivia becomes available but there's a strong possibility that they might not get one in time."

Richard hated this part of the job; having to tell people that their loved one is dying and there is nothing they can do about it. He'd listed all the positives first in an attempt to avoid the formidable task a little bit longer. It was moments like these that he hated being a surgeon. The rush you get with knowing you're saving a life quickly vanishes when you're the messenger for the grim reaper.

"Olivia's blood type is A-positive." Elliot said suddenly, abruptly snapping his head up.

"Yes sir, it is." Dr Webber answered unsure what Elliot was getting at.

"Take mine." He said automatically. _Why didn't I fucking think of it earlier?_

"Excuse me?"

"So am I. I'm A- positive. Take my kidney. I wanna give her mine." Elliot clarified.

"Sir you -" Richard began, but Elliot interrupted.

"You can do that cant you?" he asked quickly.

"Yes sir. That is, as long as your kidney has no damage to it… we can tell with a quick scan. But by law we are required to give you a full explanation of what your surgery and recovery would involve. It's very complicated Detective."

"Then uncomplicate it. Give me the simplified version. Do it while you prep me." Elliot ordered impatiently, annoyed that this doctor was wasting time talking when he should be getting to work on saving Olivia's life.

Even though he wanted his patient to get better, Richard wanted to make sure Elliot had considered the repercussions of his decision. It was a big commitment he was making and Richard wasn't sure that Elliot had thought this through. He wanted to be certain that Elliot's decision-making skills weren't being clouded by the current situation and that he knew what he was getting himself into. It was his duty as Chief to make sure he realised the magnitude of a decision like this. Also, he knew that transplants don't always work out and he wasn't sure that was something that Detective Stabler understood.

"Mr Stabler, even with your kidney there's still risks. And there's always a chance the transplant won't be successful. It's not uncommon for a body to reject donated organs."

"But you have medication for that right? To help her body accept it."

"Yes but-"

"Then I'm giving her my kidney. And you're going to do everything you can to help her body accept it. You understand me?" Elliot's voice hardened with those last three words and Richard couldn't help but feel as though he was being threatened.

"Are you sure Elliot? What about work…" Casey asked. Up until now she had remained silent and even though she'd chosen to bring up Elliot's other commitments, she knew there was no point. Elliot wasn't going to change his mind, not that she wanted him to anyway_. _She would have donated her own kidney to Olivia Benson had she been the same blood type._ He's committed to Olivia and only Olivia. He's not going to sit by and watch her die. Not when he had the power to make a difference._

"Call Cragen. Let him know I'm taking sick leave." Elliot replied simply.

"But you don't have anything with you except the clothes you came in, we weren't planning to stay."

"I don't need anything else, I'll be in here. I've got money. And I have an aunt that lives here in Oregon, she can get me some things. I don't have her number on me but I'll call my brother and get her number or something."

Doctor Webber waited patiently while the two discussed the current situation. He noticed that the ADA was taking a logical approach to making this decision. She was reminding Elliot of the things he'd seem to have forgotten. He also noticed Elliot's determination and the way that Casey's words were not affecting his choice at all. _He's not gonna change his mind… Olivia must mean a lot to him._

"Okay, well what about when you're released? You'll probably be out before Liv, recovery will take longer for her…"

"Casey I don't know… I'll get a cheap motel room or something if I can't stay with my aunt. Olivia must have an apartment; she's been here for weeks. Maybe when she's awake I can stay there or something. I'll be okay, it doesn't matter where I stay. I'll work something out." He finished impatiently, wishing Casey would shut up.

"Elliot, I have to fly back tomorrow or maybe even tonight. I won't be able to stay here with you. I have a deadline to be in court and-"

"You don't have to." Elliot cut in. "I'll stay as long as I need to and me and Liv will fly back together when she's better."

Finally giving up, Casey reverted back to silence. As well as knowing it was pointless, she was confident that she'd reminded Elliot of all the factors he hadn't considered and it hadn't changed his decision at all. And frankly, that was something that Casey was happy about this. The idea of Olivia dying sent a shiver shooting up her spine.

"Are you absolutely sure about this Mr Stabler? Recovery is known to be quite hard on transplant patients."

Elliot looked behind him at the battered figure of his best friend under the crisp white sheets. Her bruised face. Her beaten body. This was Olivia's life. His best friend's life. It wasn't even a question. She'd kept him stable for 8 years, now it was Elliot's turn to help her. She was the only thing in his life that seemed to work, he couldn't lose her too. The realisation of how close she'd come to death sucked the air right out of his lungs.

_We almost lost her on the table more than once…_

"One hundred percent." Elliot replied simply, their elevator conversation playing on repeat in his mind.

_Elliot: I'd give you a kidney.  
__Olivia: Not if I gave you mine first._

"You understand that there are no guarantees? That this surgery might not change Olivia's condition at all?"

"Yes, I understand."

"And you understand that recovery time for the donor can sometimes be just as long as the patien-"

"Look, stop for a minute. Can you do this transplant or not?" Elliot looked at him through his powerful blue eyes, burning with determination.

"Yes sir, we can."

"Then what the hell are you waiting for?" he replied instantly, his words laced with the hostility he'd been so desperately trying to repress for the duration of the conversation.

Elliot seemed to understand the possible outcomes, as well as consequences and he was still willing to donate. Richard sighed, realising that all the talking in the world wouldn't change this man's mind and he had to admit that he admired his determination. Had he been put in the situation, Richard knew he would have acted in exactly the same way so he decided to stop trying to explain. _It's all in the paperwork anyway; not that he looks like he's going to read it._

"Very well. If you go with Rose she'll get you checked in and get the necessary paperwork filled out." It was only then that Elliot realised that sometime during the kidney discussion, the nurse from before had re-entered the room without him noticing.

"Thank you doctor." Elliot said with a grateful smile.

"You're welcome. We're going to do everything we can… Nurse, get his paperwork organised then page the team and get OR 2 prepped for an emergency kidney transplant."

* * *

_UNOS is the United Network for Organ sharing. I hate Rose in Grey's Anatomy so much, I was going to use Nurse Olivia but two Olivias in the story would confuse me. I don't really like nurse olivia either though, she's a bit of a whore._

_OOOOHHHH ONLY ONE MORE TO GO! _

_5625 Hits, 35 Story Alerts but only 8 reviews for the last chapter? C'mon I think you can do better than that! You should review yeah? :)_

_AND OMG 'UNDERCOVER' IS THE MOST AWESOME EPISODE EVER. EVERYONE GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!! I just wish Olivia told Elliot about what happened! Gahhh!!#_

_Reviews equal Faster Update_


	8. Waiting

**Author's Note:**_ So this was going to be the last chapter but since I've taken so long to get it up I've made it extra long and also decided to do one more after this. But it's only gonna be short.. an epilogue I think. Anyway i__f you've seen Fault, you'll get the beginning of this. If not, I suggest you watch it. Best. Episode. Ever._ _Couple of swear words... apologies, apologies._

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :).

**Dedicated to**: _Periphery for her support and reminding me to update :). This one's also for __everyone who wanted Elliot to hear Liv whisper in her sleep in 'Infiltrated'._

* * *

_**Chapter Eight**_

**HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL**

**OREGON**

**28****th**** NOVEMBER**

_Elliot spotted him beside the escalator at the far end of the bus station._

_"Ryan!"_

_Finally the boy was safe. All Elliot had to do was get to him._

_"Ryan, it's okay." _

_Elliot was so close to him now, only a few metres away. But then he heard it. That earsplitting scream from a terrified onlooker. Elliot reluctantly tore his eyes away from the little boy and glanced in the direction that the piercing shriek had come from._

_He saw Olivia with her gun drawn on Victor Gitano, who was using Rebecca, the child he was carrying, as a shield. Without any warning, Gitano snatched his knife from his pocket, the knife he had used to kill the parents and sister of Ryan and Rebecca Clifford, and suddenly flicked out his arm, slashing the side of Olivia's neck. _

_From his position between Olivia and Ryan, Elliot watched as Gitano wrenched out the blade and directed it at Olivia, ripping through her skin before her body crashed down against the hard station ground. _

_As she fell, Gitano started running, seizing the opportunity to escape. He darted towards where Ryan was standing, grabbed him by the hand and dragged him up the escalator._

_The people had cleared away and Elliot could see Olivia on the floor, her hand frantically clutching the tear in her neck. On the other side of him, Elliot saw Ryan staring back at him with desperate eyes as he was pulled up the escalator. Elliot was about to follow him but he hesitated, knowing his choice would ultimately become a sacrifice. In a split second he looked between the two one more time before speeding in the direction of his partner._

_"Olivia? Olivia! MOVE! OLIVIA! No! No!" _

_He fell to his knees beside her, his heart hammering against his chest. "Elliot?" she choked. Blood was seeping through her fingers that were gripping at her throat, grasping her injury. _

"_Olivia! Oh my god. No!"_

_"I'm fine. I'm fine." she rasped, the strangulation in her voice proving otherwise. _

"_Liv!" he exclaimed frantically, trying to lift her from the ground._

_"Elliot I'm okay. Really I'm okay. Where's Gitano? Go. Elliot GO!" _

_Obeying her orders, Elliot got up and sped in the direction that Gitano had taken. Upon reaching the top of the escalator he saw Ryan in the arms of Fin, who gave him a curt nod. Seeing that the boy appeared unharmed, apart from a small cut to his cheek, Elliot rushed back in the direction that he'd come. But once he got downstairs, the entire floor was empty. The crowds had disappeared. Every person was gone. He reached the spot where he'd left Olivia but all that remained was a puddle of dark red blood._

_And he was running again. He was running through the industrial site. The warehouse. He could hear the echoes of Olivia's heavy breathing and Gitano's rough voice telling her to shut up. To shut up or he'd shoot her. Suddenly something blew, causing Elliot to crash to the ground as he rounded the corner. That's when he saw her._

_Victor Gitano held Olivia in front of him, one hand steadily gripping her around her waist, the other holding his gun to the back of her head. She was practically on her knees, still holding onto her neck. Her face was sickly pale from the loss of blood, which was now residing past halfway down the side of her shirt. _

_"Let her go" Elliot heard himself yell fiercely from his position on the ground, his gun aimed at Gitano who let out a wicked laugh._

"_Let her go" Victor mimicked before violently yanking Olivia closer to him. "Sorry man. She's not going anywhere."_

_"Shoot Elliot. Take the shot" Olivia said between desperate gasps. "Elliot!"_

"_Shut up!" Victor said angrily, shoving the gun harder into the back of her skull._

_She was pleading now. Pleading as she hung limply from the arms of a murderer. "Elliot, make the right choice here okay. Take the shot. You have to take the shot. You have to find Rebecca, she's alive. Take the shot okay. Do it El, please."_

_Elliot's eyes didn't move from hers as he watched her weakly attempt to convince him to shoot. He had no intention to. Elliot knew he wouldn't have a proper shot. Not with the way his hands were shaking. And he still wasn't sure whether the girl was alive or not._

"_It's alright Elliot. It's okay." She said groggily, tears in her eyes. Elliot wasn't sure if she realised she'd been drifting in and out of consciousness as the blood continued to soak down the side of her body._

"_I said SHUT UP!" Gitano, who was looking around madly for an escape route, screamed._

"_Elliot, listen to me…"_

"_Shut up Olivia." Elliot said sternly, suddenly directing his attention to the man holding a gun at her head. "You're not going to get out of this Victor. Let her go. You've got no way out of this. There's no escape."_

_"Oh yeah, coz you got buddies coming ay?" Gitano asked as his face twisted into a sick smile. "Guess I shouldn't waste any more time then…" he said as he cocked his gun. _

_Elliot watched helplessly, frozen in his place, as Gitano's finger tightened around the trigger. _

_"NO!" Elliot screamed. He felt his whole body shake with intensity as the noise escaped him._

**BANG!**

The sound reverberated in his ears as Elliot's eyes shot open. He was panting rapidly. His head jerked to the side while he looked around the room, slowly realising where he was. It was pitch black apart from the illuminating red light of the digital alarm clock. _4:52am. _Elliot slowly relaxed his hands, which were clutching madly onto the sheets around him.

He lay still for a moment, taking a few deep breaths and using his hand to wipe away the sweat that had formed in beads on his face. Then he reached out his arm and flicked the lamp switch, illuminating the room with a soft glow from above his head. He looked over his left, just as he had done every night when he was woken by his nightmares. And the same sight greeted him. The same sight that had comforted yet put him on edge every night. Olivia's hospital bed.

Olivia's body remained perfectly still beneath the sheets and blankets of her bed. He could see her chest slowly rise and fall in complete unison with the soft beeping from the machine attached to her. She still hadn't woken up. Her second surgery went well, just as Elliot's did. Or at least they thought it had. But she still hadn't woken up.

Elliot had remained unconscious for 7 days after his operation. Upon waking, he'd asked the nurse about Olivia as soon as he found his voice. She told him that while Olivia's surgery had been successful, there had been post-transplant complications and she was yet to regain consciousness, and said doctor Webber would be in soon to further explain.

_"At first her body was rejecting your kidney Mr Stabler, but we've upped the medication she was on and we have introduced another drug to help her body with the acceptance process and she's pushed past it. We think her body's beginning to adjust. She's a fighter alright."_ Elliot had smiled when Chief Webber had said that. It was true; Olivia was definitely a fighter. _My fighter, _he'd thought at the time._ "But she's not out of the woods yet… we've stopped the drugs that were inducing her coma. Olivia needs to wake up by herself. If she doesn't… there's not much more we can do."_

It had been 15 days since the kidney transplant surgery and with each day that passed Elliot felt his worry and fear paralyse him more and more. The fear that as much of a fighter that Olivia was, maybe she didn't have enough strength left in her this time. It had been 15 days and as much as it hurt him to even think it, Elliot was subconsciously preparing to lose her. He'd been having dreams every night, more like nightmares, of different situations that could have resulted in Olivia's death. Nightmares of all the close calls she's had in the past, only this time Olivia didn't make it out alive. Richard White stalking her then trying to kill her in the park, the hostage situation with Baxter, the comic book freak trying to stab her to death in her apartment, the accident when she was driving Kathy to her doctors appointment and now, yet another nightmare about the day the Special Victims Unit faced off with Victor Gitano.

He'd dreamt about those weeks that he didn't know where she was too. About what she'd been working on. About the day he'd showed up at work, just after nearly being blown up, and found her desk empty and her phone disconnected. _"Is this some kind of joke?!" _That had been his first reaction at the time. He'd dreamt about the days that he unsuccessfully tried to get information out of Cragen but instead got the repeated reply of "I can't say". The day in the elevator where he told Olivia he'd give her a kidney. When she said _"not if I give you mine first."_ Of the Gitano fight in the middle of the squad room when he told her he couldn't always be looking over his shoulder for her. "_I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue..." _He remembered how hurt she looked as soon as he said it, and the fact that both of them knew it wasn't true. She'd called him a son-of-a-bitch and he'd deserved it. His dreams consisted of practically every memory he could recall from the past 7 years of partnership, yet somehow it was the bad times overpowering the good.

Elliot sat in his hospital bed, back up against the headboard and soft light shining down from above his head. Even though he'd put two pillows behind his back, he was still uncomfortable. Every ten minutes or so he'd look away from his paper (that he was staring at rather than reading) and look over to Olivia who remained where she'd been for the past 15 days.

Before going into surgery, Elliot had requested that he and Olivia be in the same room. He'd been frustrated with how long the nurse was taking to explain the possible risks of the surgery and the amount of time it took to fill out the paper work required and unintentionally took it out on the staff. For this reason, he wondered if they would take his request seriously. But when he woke up he saw that the orderlies had transferred the both of them to a larger double room and for that, he was grateful. He'd spoken to Cragen briefly before the surgery too. Elliot's captain had been a little hesitant but he didn't do anything to interfere. He couldn't anyway. He knew Elliot had made up his mind.

Casey stayed overnight in a cheap motel nearby but had flown back the next day. She left a note for Elliot saying that she was planning to stay until he and Olivia had woken up but she couldn't afford to spend any more time in Oregon because of the amount of work she had to do on the case. Also in the envelope Casey left money for Elliot. Lots of it. With a note saying 'keep it'. Munch and Fin had come in for a day too but both Elliot and Olivia had still been unconscious. They also left a note apologising that they couldn't stay for long, that there was a big case they were working on, that they'd probably be back in the next week or so, and to call when they regain consciousness.

Unbeknownst to Elliot, Dean Porter had come back a few times but had left when he saw a wakened Elliot through the glass pane of the door. Although he cared about Olivia a lot, Dean realised that Elliot wasn't going to leave her for a minute, even if he recovered first. And Elliot's hate for him wasn't going to disappear either. Dean realised that through the eyes of Elliot Stabler, this whole thing was his fault. He was supposed to be the agent protecting her and he let her down. So Dean decided to let go. He'd call the hospital every few days or so and ask about Olivia's condition then when, and only when, she was conscious would he come to see her. He didn't want to deal with Elliot if he didn't have to.

Since regaining consciousness, Elliot had been calling with daily reports to Captain Cragen. Daily reports of no change. _No change yet._ Cragen had gently started to try to prepare Elliot for the possibility that his partner wasn't going to wake up. As much as it hurt Don, he had to face the facts. But Elliot picked up on it, noticed Don's changing tone, and ignored it. He refused to consider that possibility. The severe defensive wounds to her hands were healing, as was the contusions to her neck and damage to her face, which reminded him that it simply took time to heal. It took time for the body to repair. And Olivia was just taking the time she needed.

_God only knows what's going on in your head Liv. _He thought silently, looking over at her once more. In his mind, Elliot worried that she could be healing physically but not emotionally. He'd seen it in some victims and he prayed everyday that she wasn't one of them. Just as he prayed to God every day that today would be the day Olivia woke up. He didn't know how much more of this torture he could take.

The first couple of days he'd been confused as to why he was awake and Olivia wasn't. After Dr Webber explained it thoroughly he understood a bit better and waited patiently for the next three days. By the fifth day he was hopeful, and Elliot worked as hard as he could to retain that hope for the next three days as well. On day eight his patience had transformed into worry as he watched more and more days go past with no change. By now, Elliot was terrified. Every day, every hour, every minute that passed was like a stab at his chest. Because with every day, hour and minute that passed, Elliot was reminded that the possibility that Olivia might not survive was still very real. Even though he'd kept his promise and given her his kidney. He just couldn't get past how wrong this whole situation was. Olivia was his best friend. She wasn't supposed to be hovering so close to death, or be anyway near it for that matter. _The only thing in my life that seems to work is you. _He'd meant it when he said it. He'd never meant anything more than that very sentence that he spoken to her unconscious body 15 days ago. And although he refused to believe or acknowledge it, Elliot knew deep down that he was starting to give up.

He threw the newspaper over onto the small table beside his bed and pulled back the blankets that covered him. Using his arms, Elliot eased himself into an upright sitting position and slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. He cautiously pushed himself to his feet and made his way towards Olivia's bed with very short steps, wheeling his IV on the stand beside him. It was painful but he felt he had to be close to Olivia. It was a feeling he had most nights, usually after his dreams, when he started to fear that the body in the bed across from him wasn't real and that it was all in his head. Every night he made the short but gruelling journey to Olivia's bedside, and every morning the nurses hassled him to get back over to his bed.

He settled down in his usual chair that was situated beside her bed and did his best to shuffle it closer to her bedside. Just as Elliot did every night, he took Olivia's hand in his own and gave it a gentle kiss. His lips met with the broken skin before he gently stroked her face, then her hair. Then he leaned over, placing most of his upper half on her bed, his head resting on his folded arms near her waist, while the rest of his body remained in the chair. The nurses found him in this half bed, half chair position every morning and had to urge him for at least an hour to get back into his own bed. After a few minutes he'd drifted back off to sleep, once again engulfed by his nightmares.

_Elliot raced up the stairs, taking two at a time, and bounded down the hallway. Lake had just called him to tell him that the comic book guy was in Olivia's apartment. As he ran towards her door he couldn't help but notice the eerie silence throughout the floor. Silence that shouldn't exist during a struggle. Unless the struggle had already ended. _

_Elliot flung himself through the doorway but found himself freezing still as soon as he got into the apartment. The sight of pandemonium assaulted him; Olivia's furniture was upturned, her belongings scattered everywhere. Books were spread along the ground, while the wooden bookshelf that was formerly holding them lay smashed in numerous pieces among the mess. The dining furniture was no longer standing, two of the chairs were broken. Along with this, Olivia's television sported a large round hole in the centre with the glass littering the floor. The couch lay on its back with numerous tears shredded all over it. Elliot's eyes were drawn to a dark stain around one of the tears. A dark red stain. Lake had mentioned the attacker had a knife. Below the hole, a red puddle stained the floorboards._

_Instincts kicked in once again and Elliot regained his composure. He reached for his gun and slowly walked through the apartment following a bloody trail that was making him sick to his stomach._

_"LIV?" he called a few times, but got no reply._

_In front of him, Elliot spotted the guy lying face down, blood flowing from a hole in his back. A short distance away was another pool of dark red liquid, with a trail veering into the bathroom. Elliot stepped over the body and cautiously entered the bathroom._

_He immediately spotted Olivia in the back corner and dropped his gun, running to her side. She lay on her back, eyes closed and cell phone open beside her. And a knife jutting from her chest._

_"OLIVIA! NO! NO!" he screamed, pulling her up into his arms. The white tiles below her were stained a harsh red. He contemplated pulling the blade out but decided against it, knowing that it could do more damage than good. She must have stabbed the guy near the couch during the struggle and then he must have got her in the hall..._

_"Olivia. Olivia. Liv wake up. Wake up. Can you hear me? Liv c'mon open your eyes. Please Olivia. Please wake up. Liv please." He found himself pleading, gently tapping the side of her face. She didn't respond, but he could feel her breathing shallowly in his arms._

_Elliot immediately grabbed the phone and as it lit up, he found that his number was on the screen. Olivia was trying to call him. Trying to call him while she lay in a pile on her bathroom floor with a blade through her chest. He quickly cleared his number and called for an ambulance before dropping the phone and pulling Olivia into closer to him._

_"C'mon Liv, c'mon. Wake up Liv." he whispered over and over again. Begging now. Since he'd stepped foot into the bathroom Elliot could hear a soft rhythmic beeping noise which was becoming increasingly louder. He looked around the room, searching for the source. There was no fire alarm… it was too loud to be the dishwasher..._

_"Elliot." His head immediately shot back in front and he looked down at his partner in his arms. "El," she said, her voice a raspy whisper and her eyes still closed. The beeping was becoming increasingly louder, but continued at the same steady pace. Olivia said his name again, slowly moving her head. Elliot knew it was a dream but he swore it sounded so real. _

_He heard a shrill ringing and grabbed the cell phone that had fallen beside him and Olivia but as he went to answer it, Elliot found that it wasn't that cell phone that was ringing. He pulled out his but made the same observation. There were only two phones in the room yet somehow Elliot was hearing the ringing and then vibrations of a third. He suddenly felt unsteady, like something around him was moving, he felt something touch his face then…_

**CRASH!**

Elliot's eyes shot open and he breathed a sigh of relief as he recognised the now familiar walls of the hospital room. He saw Olivia's cell phone on the ground and realised that it was the source of the ringing in his dream and the crash was from the vibrations causing it to fall off the table to the ground. He hadn't lifted his head and now allowed his eyes to lightly fall closed again. In an instant, the events of his dream flooded back to him and Elliot identified the beeping as the hospital monitor connected to his partner's chest. _But if all that was real then… _He felt the sheets below his arms move and Elliot's head immediately shot up, followed by the rest of his body. He winced as the pain of moving too quickly shot through him. He though he'd probably torn a stitch. But he didn't care. All he cared about was the sight before him.

Her head had turned slightly, no longer facing the ceiling, but her eyes remained closed. Elliot immediately reached for her hand that was situated at her side. "Liv?" Elliot said cautiously, not wanting to get his hopes up in case he was somehow hallucinating. But he was greeted with a familiar stillness on her part and felt his hope shatter within him. He was filled with an urge to cry, and also to kick himself for allowing himself to get his hopes up like that. Until he heard his name escape her lips once more. "Elliot...". "Liv!" Elliot exclaimed and Olivia's eyes fluttered open quickly before closing again. After a few seconds they opened again, slower this time.

"El... Elliot..." she murmurred softly, barely above a whisper.

"Hey, hey Liv… it's Elliot… it's okay. You're in the hospital, it's okay." Elliot said soothingly as soon as he saw her fear in her eyes as her pupils began to dart from side to side, and her head frantically looked around. Elliot gently pushed the hair back out of her face, stroking her forehead in the process and he felt her physically relax, just as he did. His heart was pounding in his chest as he realised that this was happening. That Olivia was coming to. Finally. There was silence for a couple more seconds while Elliot continued to lightly stroke her face.

"Elliot?" she asked groggily. Her voice was louder now... rough and husky, laced with uncertainty and confusion.

"Yeah Liv it's me… welcome back." Elliot said, a huge grin painted on his face. He'd never felt such colossal relief before. _Thank god! She's awake. That's a good sign… the best sign._ Elliot knew he should probably push the button and notify her doctor that Olivia had awoken but this was the moment he'd been waiting for and he wanted to stay with her a little longer.

"You scared me there Liv. How're you feeling?" he asked, his mouth still in a mad grin.

"Shit" was Olivia's croaky reply and Elliot couldn't help but smile even more, not that he thought that was humanly possible.

"What… what happened?" she asked as she looked around the room slowly, and he registered the disorientation in her eyes.

That worried Elliot. "You don't remember. In the parking lot…? You got hurt…" _How could Olivia not know what happened? That's not a good sign. _Then Elliot remembered something nurse Rose had said. _A temporary concussion is normal in these circumstances._ _Especially with the injuries to her head._

"What happened?" Olivia asked cautiously, confusion evident in her shaky voice.

For a second Elliot pondered the best way to explain the events and settled on getting straight to the point. Olivia wouldn't appreciate him sugar-coating the story.

"You were attacked Liv. In the parking lot near the fed's headquarters. You were… you were stabbed. That's probably the reason for the pain in your side. It perfed your kidney. He beat you up pretty bad Liv," Elliot explained gently.

For a second Olivia's eyes widened in shock but then they were suddenly filled with panic. She began to twist her neck frantically, looking around the room. "The guy. There was guy El..." she panted, clearly alarmed and Elliot realised that she remembered the events of that night.

"Sshh, sshh" he soothed, once again pushing the hair out of her eyes. "I know… it's alright. He's gone, don't worry." Tim Dixon was still comatose. The doctors were "giving him more time" but it wasn't looking too good. They were unsure if he would survive and the doctors were leaning towards him not making it. But Elliot didn't give a flying fuck. The guy could die for all he cared. He'd put Olivia through so much… too much… and all he wanted to do now was to comfort her. "It's okay Liv, they've got him."

"Good." She said softly, looking up to the ceiling and semi-nodding as if to reassure herself. "Okay good…" she breathed before snapping her head back to the side to meet Elliot's. "Wait, are we still in Oregon?!" she questioned confusedly, before looking around the hospital room.

"And wait, why are you in a hospital gown? And what's with this?" She asked pulling weakly at his hospital tag around his wrist. As if the pieces had just fallen together in her mind, Olivia's eyes widened and she unsuccessfully attempted to sit up. She'd moved too quickly and winced as the pain shot through her body. She felt tears brimming instantly and squeezed her eyes shut before falling back against her pillow and clenching her teeth to stop from screaming. An exasperated gasp escaped her lips and Elliot instantly pressed the assistance button.

"Fuck Liv you can't go doing stuff like that..." Elliot said, concern etched into his face as he saw that her face was contorted in pain. "… not yet anyway."

Once the feeling passed, Olivia relaxed in the bed. She took a few seconds to recover, still breathing pretty heavily and Elliot saw her focus return to him.

"I-" he began, but he was cut off by Olivia.

"You better not have given me your kidney Elliot Stabler!" she said in a serious voice and Elliot couldn't hide the huge grin he felt once again forming on his face.

At that moment, the door swung open and Nurse Rose and Doctor Webber were soon next to Elliot at the bedside.

"Ms Benson, it's good to have you with us." Richard greeted with a smile as he began to check the machines and her charts.

"Bet you're relieved detective… no more painstaking trips across the room now." Rose said with a smile before ordering Elliot to get back in his bed.

Olivia was taking a minute to adjust to all the sudden movement and sound in the room when Elliot caught her attention. "We'll talk later Liv," he said with a cheeky smile as the nurse helped him back over to his bed and began to check his charts.

"Detective Benson, I'm Richard Webber, Chief of Surgery and your treating physician."

"Olivia." She interrupted, and Richard smiled before continuing.

"Olivia, you really had us all worried…" he then went on to explain what he knew of the attack, her injuries, healing progress and the kidney transplant process. It was only a brief explaination but Richard said he'd return soon, before excusing himself and rushing to surgery.

Rose was still in the room and was now at Olivia's bedside.

"Hi Olivia… I'm Rose, how are you feeling?" she asked, re-tucking in the sheets that Olivia had pulled out in her attempt at sitting.

"Sore as hell." Olivia replied and the nurse smiled.

"Well that's to be expected. You're lucky to have such a good partner. He hasn't left your bedside. Literally."

For the first time since the staff had entered the room Olivia looked over at Elliot's bed and saw him smiling back at her. She couldn't help but smile in return and giggle lightly at Rose's stern order to Elliot just before she too left the room.

"Don't get up again!" she ordered, giving him a serious look through fierce eyes.

As soon as she'd left the room Elliot pulled back his covers and slowly sat up. _Always the rule-breaker, _Olivia thought. Noticing the pain in his face, she stopped him from going any further.

"No El, don't" she said quietly. There was only a couple of metres between the beds and she could see he was contemplating whether to listen to her or not. "Really. Stay in your bed Elliot… or I'll call that nurse back" she added with a smile as Elliot laughed climbed back into his bed.

"So do you want to tell me how you ended up in Oregon?" Olivia asked, in need of many answers. Elliot filled her in on everything from his search for her to Casey's calls to his decision to give her a kidney. It took over half an hour for Elliot to explain and Olivia lay in silence with her head turned, never breaking eye contact with her partner.

"Oh my god." Olivia breathed once he had finished, before rolling her head back so she was staring at the ceiling. "Fuck Elliot, you shouldn't have."

"Shouldn't have what?" Elliot asked, not completely understanding.

"Done all that." She replied, her eyes were closed now, breathing still rapid.

"And just let you die? Not gonna happen Liv." He replied instantly as she turned her head once more and the two exchanged smiles.

Olivia finally broke eye contact and looked around the room once more. As she silently wondered what she'd done to deserve such a great partner her eyes landed on a pink bear sitting on the bedside table.

"Where'd that come from?" she asked, pointing to the stuffed teddy.

"I… I bought it from the gift shop… well I sent a nurse to buy it, I couldn't really get up." Elliot replied somewhat cautiously. He knew stuffed animals weren't exactly Olivia's thing but at the time he was scared shitless and was doing anything he could to occupy his time.

For a minute he worried that she'd think it was stupid but she slowly reached out her arm, took the toy into her hands and smiled.

"Thanks El," she said genuinely, smiling over at him.

"No problem." He replied coolly before changing the subject. "So I heard you assaulted a cop..." he said, knowing how stirring it was.

"He assaulted me!" she said instantly and Elliot burst into laughter. Olivia swiftly threw the bear across the room, ignoring the pain that came with the movement. It hit Elliot in the side of the head before he caught it in his hands.

"Hey! Don't throw EJ around like that!"

"EJ?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Elliot Junior. Don't you see the resemblance?" He smiled proudly holding the bear up next to his head.

"Oh yeah… you have the same eyes" she smiled as Elliot through the bear back over to her. Her eyes fluttered closed once more as she was greeted with silence. Elliot watched her quitely before breaking the silence after a few minutes.

"I met you're handler." He watched Olivia open her eyes and she began fiddling with the bear in her hands.

"Dean? He's been here?" she asked, looking over at him.

"He was here… until I punched him in the face." Elliot said slowly as Olivia began to shake her head.

"I'm gone 4 weeks and you still can't control your temper," she said playfully, smile once again greeting her face.

"It's been almost 6 weeks now. And no I can't... I guess I need you." Elliot said with another smile and their eyes met once again.

There was a silence for a minute before Olivia broke the gaze, looking away from her partner. She wanted to ask why he had hit Porter but she knew that she was the only thing the two men had in common. Therefore, it was likely that she was the reason. And she didn't feel like taking on any extra guilt at that moment, she felt bad enough for interrupting Elliot's life so majorly.

"Hows work been?" she asked, once again playing with the arms of the bear in front of her in an attempt to keep her eyes open.

"Not too great. I've been on ass duty."

"What'd you do? Punch Cragen in the face too?" Olivia asked jokingly not looking over.

"Close. But not Don. Lucius Blaine. They brought him in to be my partner… it didn't exactly work out. Didn't even last a day. Total asshole."

Olivia looked up at him, her eyes wide and Elliot was unsure what this reaction meant. That was until her lips slowly curled into a smile as she said "I guess you do need me Stabler". And then she laughed. It was painful and shallow but it was there. She was laughing through the pain and tiredness that was consuming her. That he could see in her eyes. And Elliot was grateful. He'd missed her laugh.

After a few minutes they both quietened down and Elliot spoke.

"I'm tired Liv, I'm gonna rest for a bit," he said. But the truth was he wasn't tired. Not at all. Elliot had noticed that she had been drifting off for a second here and there and he knew Olivia wouldn't admit to feeling tiredness, regardless of the state she was in. So Elliot made it easy for her.

"Mmm okay." She hummed as Elliot closed his eyes and rolled to his side.

Ten minutes later he opened them and looked over and smiled, seeing Olivia dozing soundly. Her bruised arm surrounding the stuffed pink bear tightly.

* * *

_There'll be one more chapter if I get enough reviews. Want an ending...? Then let me know what you thought of this chapter._

_I've made a LiveJournal… anyone who has one let me know and I'll friend you! Or you can just add me from the link on my FF profile because I don't really know what I'm doing haha :) Seriously... I love meeting people! Don't be shy..._


	9. Recovery

**Author's Note:**_ Okay this is the last chapter! It was just going to be short but I figured since I took so long to get it up, I might as well make it worth it. Hopefully you like how I finished it off... please review and let me know what you thought of it! Anyway thanks for everyone's reviews and support :D And be sure to check out my new SVU fics..._

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing. Except my story :).

* * *

_**Chapter Nine**_

**HOLY CROSS HOSPITAL**

**OREGON**

**18th DECEMBER**

It had been almost three weeks since the day that Olivia had woken up with Elliot at her bedside. During that time, she had been discharged after what was considered a successful recovery and today it was Elliot's turn. As a donor, his recovery took longer than the recipient's did, and longer than the doctors expected. But after a couple of speed bumps the day had come that he could finally get out of the place that they were both starting to loathe.

After half an hour of filling out paper work, Elliot and Olivia were seated beside each other in a taxi travelling back to Olivia's apartment. Feeling awkward, Elliot broke the silence.

"So where have you been staying?"

"I've got an apartment… it's not far from here. It's kind of small but we should be alright, we're not gonna be here much longer…"

Elliot smiled at his partner. Finally he could bring her back to New York. Back where she belonged.

"So you've been taking cabs all around Oregon?'

"Nah the feds gave me a car. I didn't really use it much though. My group was more into walking," she replied, opening up her wallet. "Right here is fine," Olivia called to the cab driver, handing him a twenty and slowly climbing out of the car. Out of the corner of his eye Elliot saw her flinch a little from the movement. Though she didn't really admit it, he knew she was still experiencing pain from her injuries. And he figured that she was also subject to the ache that he was feeling from the kidney transplant.

As the two entered the building, Elliot looked around taking in the pale walls, shabby carpet and poor lighting.

"Jeez Liv they could of put you in a nicer place. My apartment building is a hundred years old but it's better than this."

Olivia just shrugged her shoulders. "It's not the best… but I wasn't here very much anyway…"

"Right, because you were with your 'group'," he grinned.

"Exactly," she replied, smiling at her partner's amusement. "I know that this elevator looks insanely old and unsafe and I don't usually use it for that reason… but I don't think I can really make it up three flights of stairs…"

"Its fine, I'm not really up for either," Elliot said, pushing the button for the elevator.

The pair exchanged an uneasy look as they heard the rattling, clanking sound of the lift coming down. Although she'd been using the device frequently since her discharge from the hospital, Olivia couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. But she quickly forgot any fear she might have as she notice the nervous look on Elliot's face as the door, if you could call it that, opened in front of him.

"What? You scared?" Olivia teased, a grin plastered across her face.

"Psht, Liv please." Elliot dismissed, doing his best to look unphased by the apparent death trap.

A giggle escaped Olivia lips as they stepped into the elevator and she pushed the button for the third floor.

"It takes a lot more than an elevator older than my grandmother to scare me."

"Is that so?" Olivia asked, clearly amused.

"Yep."

"Well what does it take then Mr macho man?" she joked.

After being greeted with silence Olivia looked over to find Elliot staring at her, seriousness plastered across his features. "My partner being as close to death as she was a few weeks ago," he answered, never taking his eyes off her. "That terrified me more than anything ever has in my entire life. I don't know what I would have done if you…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

Caught off guard, Olivia remained silent for a second. She was unsure of what to say, she'd never seen Elliot so shaken. She wasn't around to witness the state he was in upon his arrival at the hospital but Olivia could imagine. She could tell he was remembering something awful, probably how she looked the first time he saw her after he arrived in Oregon.

"It's okay Elliot." She assured, looking up at him, smiling, "I'm okay." Olivia allowed her arm to drop to her side, next to his, then took his hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You saved me El," she said quietly.

Elliot's eyes hadn't moved from her face as he did his best to memorise every square millimetre. It was a habit he'd picked up during the time he'd spent as a visitor in the hospital. When he thought he was losing her. Since his operation, Elliot had been trying to stop. Trying to convince himself there was no need because he'd be seeing her face again and again. But he hadn't been able to. Until he heard those words. _You saved me El. _And as he felt her squeeze his hand again he realised that Olivia _was_ okay. She wasn't going to drop dead at any given moment. She was alright. A smile crept onto his face as he squeezed her hand back softly, worried that her injuries to her digits weren't fully healed yet. "Thank god," he whispered and Olivia smiled at him. That beautiful smile that he'd missed so much. That smile that shone through the darkness that he often found surrounding him. That smile that he loved so dearly.

"So… this 'group'...?" Elliot questioned, raising an eyebrow as they let go of each other's hands and exited the lift.

"Yeah, my eco-group."

Elliot's face twisted into a confused look which caused Olivia to laugh, understanding why her partner found it difficult to imagine her as a tree-hugging eco-nut. She unlocked the apartment and Elliot followed her in, looking around. It was smaller than her New York apartment and not as nice. But it was livable.

"When do you wanna head back to Manhattan?" Elliot asked, hoping she'd say right away. He'd developed a hatred towards Oregon as soon as he received the news of his partner's attack. He hated it even before then, before he even knew that the feds had whisked her away to Oregon. Elliot just hated the place that had stolen his partner from the 1-6.

"A.S.A.P", was Olivia's reply; music to his ears.

"I'll book the tickets?" Elliot offered.

"Would you mind? I'll have a shower. My laptop's on the coffee table."

"No problem… but afterwards I wanna hear about this eco group."

"Sure..." Olivia laughed. "Maybe if you're lucky i'll tell you about how I solved a ten year old cold case."

Elliot raised his eyebrows, "seriously?"

"Seriously!" she nodded, a proud grin on her face.

"Impressive."

"I know," she said disappearing into the bathroom and Elliot couldn't help but smile. His Liv was back.

Twenty minutes later Olivia emerged from the bathroom in baggy track pants and a tank top and joined Elliot on the couch in front of the TV.

"You're going to love me." Elliot said in a sing-song voice.

"Why's that? You planning on giving me the rest of your organs?" she teased.

"Close," Elliot laughed, "but not quite. I got a flight for tomorrow. They must have had a cancellation. We fly out at noon."

"Really?" Olivia asked, jumping up a little in the process.

"Yeah."

"You're right, I do love you." She grinned, clearly excited. "Thank god I'm all packed all ready."

"And thank god I'm packed too... even though I only have like five items with me."

"Yeah, talk about packing light. Did you even bring a bag?" Olivia laughed, throwing a cushion at Elliot.

"Hey! It was a spur of the moment trip... I didn't get a chance to pack anything!" he laughed.

"Hmm fair enough."

"So what do you wanna do about food?"

"Um... well… there might be an instant mac and cheese pack in the kitchen?"

"Well that sounds appealing" Elliot replied sarcastically.

"We could go out? It's our last night in Oregon..."

"I don't really have any decent clothes…" Elliot replied and Olivia remembered he only had the outfit that he was wearing when he arrived in Oregon as well as a t-shirt and pair of jeans that Munch had gotten out of Elliot's locker and brought with him.

"Yeah mine are all packed. And honestly, I don't think I'm really up for it."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it." Elliot said, standing up and heading towards the door. He remembered passing a strip of shops on the way to the apartment, including a Thai restaurant; Olivia's favourite. _Hopefully it's decent._

"Where are you going?"

"You'll see." He smiled. "I won't be long," he called as he grabbed his wallet and left the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

Elliot reappeared a short time later with a plastic bag of takeout. "Special delivery," he smiled while Olivia simply raised her eyebrow at the bag. "It's Thai", he clarified and saw her face light up.

"Ooh did you get satay sticks?" Olivia asked, visibly excited.

"Of course. They're your favourite."

"Yeah they are" she said with a smile as she grabbed two bowls and forks and headed towards the couch.

Elliot put the bag down on the coffee table and entered the kitchen, returning with two glasses of water. Both starving, they loaded their plates and settled on the couch where they started to eat.

The TV was on, but neither Olivia nor Elliot payed any attention to the voices streaming quietly from the machine.

"So, your eco group...?"

"Technically it was Persephone's group"

"Who the hell's Persephone? And what did she do wrong to make her parents give her a name like that?"

"You're looking right at her. Persephone James, born and raised in Philadelphia."

That set Elliot off in hysterics. "Per... Persephone?" he gasped for breathe, between bouts of laughter.

The pair chatted as Olivia explained the events of her past weeks. The case she worked with Starr, the infiltration. Deputy Ibold and his freely swinging baton. T-Bone and Heather. Her arrested , her mug shot, her assault charges. Carl Dunford, his death and his company's work. His secret. Her discovery of his dungeon. The girl he'd been hiding for years...

"It was different working this kind of case. But now it's all over… back to the special victims unit..."

"Did you miss it?" Elliot asked, "the SVU?"

"I missed New York... the squad… you. But the broken women, the violated children…" she shook her head, recalling the line of work she'd left behind in New York, "It was nice to have a break from all that y'know? Working with the group here was all 'save the trees', 'tea, tea, tea'! It was a nice change I guess. Apart from the working alone thing."

That made Elliot smile, knowing that she missed partnership. "I missed you Olivia."

"I missed you too El..." she smiled before resuming picking at a piece of chicken.

"I... I want to apologise for everything that happened before you left. With Gitano and Cragen and that day-"

"Elliot it's okay. It's over now", Olivia interrupted, hating that he was still living with that misplaced guilt.

"I still feel horrible."

"So you gave me a kidney to make up for it?"

Elliot could tell that Olivia was joking, but he decided to approach it as if she had been serious. He needed her to know that this was about more than redeeming himself in her eyes, even if that wasn't what she actually thought.

"Do you really think that? That I only did it out of guilt? That I came to Oregon because I felt bad?"

"No Elliot. I don't… it's just…" Olivia began, caught off guard once again. "I... I can't believe you did all that for me. You came here and... and the transplant... I just..." Elliot couldn't help but feel a little upset that Olivia didn't realise how important she was to him, and that she was surprised that he would keep his promise. When he'd said it in that elevator, it wasn't just words. Elliot had meant it. Every word. _I'd give you a kidney... _But as Olivia continued he understood that it wasn't because of him. "I… I don't have anyone else in my life that would do something like that. I don't have anyone else that cares about me enough to do that…"

"Well you've got me Liv."

"I know," Olivia whispered, lips trembling but her eyes in a straight stare on her partner. "Thankyou. For everything. For coming here, finding me… for all of it. Thank you for caring about me Elliot."

"Yeah well, thanks for not dying," Elliot smiled, handing Olivia the last satay chicken stick. In the process he noticed her hands. He'd been watching them closely the past few weeks, noting the healing progress they were making. Taking in the healing cuts and slight disfiguration that remained, Elliot realised it was a longer process than he'd thought it would be. But two doctors had assured him that her injuries would eventually fully heal. Her hands would return to normal.

They reverted back to silence as Olivia began to pick the chicken off the skewer. Elliot waited a few minutes before speaking, unsure if he should say it or not.

"Liv you know if anything else happened... I'd give you any other body part you needed..." He knew it sounded stupid, but he meant it. She was looking up at him now, a little shocked. "I'd do whatever it takes to protect you… to save you," he explained.

After a second, Olivia's blank expression morphed into a smile and he noticed that her eyes had glazed over. "You know I'd do the same El."

"When you were in the hospital… when I saw you lying there. It was like… god I don't have the words. It was horrible, I was terrified. And then as the days passed and you weren't getting better… I… I was so scared Liv. So fucking scared. I've never prayed so much in my life."

He didn't mean to make her upset, he wasn't trying to make her cry. But Elliot saw her eyes well up and heard her choke out a strangled "I'm sorry," as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Watching as it slid down her face, Elliot was overcome with the need to hold her in his arms. To hold her so he knew that it was real. That she'd escaped death once more, that she was still there. Still his partner. He leant over, pulling her towards him into a tight hug. He felt Olivia's hand grip at his back, her chest rising and falling with each shuddering breath. And he whispered into her ear.

"Don't be."

For the few minutes that they stayed in the embrace, Elliot could feel a wet patch soaking slowly through his shirt from her falling tears. It was an awkward position for both of them due to their arrangement on the couch and Elliot was hesitant to keep holding on because he knew Olivia's stitches probably weren't taking it well. But he was reluctant to let go as long as he could still feel her hands on his back. And he could. Olivia sniffled quietly, before talking into Elliot's ear. "You know once you're fully healed, I'm gonna kick your ass for giving me your kidney in the first place." Although her face was still tearstained, Olivia laughed at her own words as she pulled away. Elliot also laughed as he tenderly wiped the tears from his partner's cheeks.

"Shut up Liv."

"Elliot I have to tell you something," Olivia said suddenly, biting her lip; a nervous habit that Elliot recognised immediately. "I wasn't going to come back…" she continued as his eyes widened.

"What do you mean?" He knew that she needed a break, time away._ But leaving permanently?_

"For a while I seriously considered not coming back… I'd kind of settled on leaving, I only decided that I would stay about three days before the attack," she confessed.

"Why?" Thousands of questions flew around in Elliot's mind. _Was she just going to leave? Not give me an explanation? Just walk away without looking back?_

"I... I just felt like I could never escape it. I still can't escape it. I'm in a different state for Christ's sake and I solve a rape case and then came close to being raped myself! I just felt like…" Olivia sighed, running a hand through her hair then wincing as the stitches protested the movement. "That day, you said that me and the job were all you had left... well that's all I've ever had. The job and you. I've never had anything more. And then after what happened with Gitano I thought I'd lost you and I… I just didn't know what to do Elliot. If the FBI didn't have this spot for me I don't know what I would have done…"

"Liv y-"

"But I realised leaving wasn't something I wanted to do. I didn't want to run. Helping those victims is what I do. It's who I am. No matter how far across the country I travel. And it's okay that you and the job are all I have. Because that's enough. And I have the rest of the squad… they're my family."

"Yeah. They are." Elliot agreed with a smile, wishing she knew how much her departure had impacted each member of the unit. "We all love you. I'm sorry we ever made you doubt that."

"I know," Olivia smiled. "And you guys mean everything to me. And I can't wait to get back to New York."

"New York can't wait to have you back either. Especially the guys at the precinct." Elliot replied as he gathered up the dinner remains and brought them to the kitchen. Though with great difficulty, Olivia arose to assist with the cleaning up but Elliot and he saw her recoil as she stood upright. Her hand automatically flew towards the stitches from her knife injury and Elliot urged her to sit back down. Though the throbbing ache from his own surgery was beyond uncomfortable, Elliot figured Olivia would be experiencing a similar sensation as well as her previous battle wounds, which in his mind, gave her the right to skip out on cleaning up. Olivia surprised him when she didn't object, instead slowly edging back down to the couch and changing the channel on the television.

"Elliot! Quick!" she squealed, just as he was re-entering the living room. "Dirty Dancing's about to start. It's my favourite movie!" she said, her volume increasing.

"Dirty dancing? I always pictured you as more of an action fan. Something with guns and cars and-"

"Shut up! It's starting!" She cried, playfully flinging a small cushion at him as the opening song finished up and Baby began to speak.

Elliot resumed his position on the couch beside Olivia, who had brought her legs up and bent them beside her. By the end of the movie, she was fast asleep, snuggled up beside him. Elliot's gaze had drifted over towards her countless time during the movie. He'd felt Olivia's head drop down and land on his chest as she finally succumbed to her tiredness. He'd seen her fight to keep her eyes open until she finally gave up, knowing that as much as she loved the movie, she was beyond exhausted. One of his arms was trapped between Olivia and the couch, but Elliot used the other to reach for the remote and switch off the TV. He didn't try to move her, instead he moved his free arm to surround her, wrapping protectively around her body while being wary not to pressure her wounds, and then closed his eyes and allowed himself to doze off to sleep.

--

Watching as the taxi driver loaded Olivia's few bags into the cab, Elliot wondered how she'd lived off so little for such a long time. _Sure, the apartment was fully furnished so she wouldn't need any of that stuff, but still..._ He made a mental note to ask her later.

Once they were seated and on their way to the airport, Elliot asked the question.

"Well what do you think I needed to bring?" she laughed. "It's not like I was wearing what I normally wear to work. It was a really different environment, and the group weren't exactly into mass-produced clothing... I kinda bought stuff and threw it out as I went."

"Oh. Well that makes sense," Elliot replied, secretly knowing that another major factor was the fact the Olivia hated washing machines.

"You mind if we make a quick stop?" she asked Elliot.

"Okay, where?"

"Left here please." Olivia called to the driver, deliberately ignoring Elliot. "Can you just pull over here, thanks. I won't be long..."

"I'm leaving the meter running," grunted the taxi driver.

"Yeah, fine. Wait here El," Olivia said quickly, as the cab came to a stop outside a coffee shop.

"You can get coffee at the airport," Elliot reminded her, slightly puzzled.

"I'm meeting Dean. He called, he wanted to say goodbye... stay here, I'll be quick." Olivia turned to climb out of the car and Elliot copied her actions.

"What are you doing?" she asked, coming face-to-face with her partner who had gotten out and walked around the car.

"I'm not leaving you. Not with him." Elliot's distaste for the man was plainly obvious.

"Elliot really it-" Olivia began, but stopped as she noticed the look on his face. That look that told her that it was useless to fight him. He was coming. "... Okay, but be nice Elliot." She warned, pointing her finger at him semi-menacingly.

"The guy's a total prick."

"Sometimes. But what happened wasn't his fault. Just... be good okay. C'mon."

As soon as he entered the small cafe, Elliot spotted Porter who immediately stood up when he spotted Olivia. His face was filled with was Elliot decided was delight, and maybe even attraction. Desire. _Definitely. There's definitely something there. _And Elliot didn't like that one bit. What he did like, however, was the satisfaction he felt as he watched Dean's face visibly fall upon noticing that Olivia was currently accompanied by the man who had previously punched his nose in. Elliot also liked that Olivia declined Dean's offer of a drink, saying that they had a plane to catch. He chuckled inwardly knowing that they had plenty of time for a coffee break as their flight wasn't for a while.

Olivia and Dean chatted for a minute. Elliot contributed when he had to. He was civil, Dean was trying to kill him with his eyes. And Olivia was just plain uncomfortable. The animosity was still blazing between the men. Even more so when Dean hugged Olivia goodbye. Elliot saw her wince, an action he knew meant pain and discomfort for his partner. But he ignored it. He ignored the urge to once again punch the man in the face, simply because he was causing Olivia pain (unintentional or not). He ignored it simply because Olivia obviously cared for the man, _but I don't know why, _and she deserves to be able to farewell her friend. Because if Elliot got his way, Olivia wouldn't be going back to Oregon for a long time. Which meant no more Dean Porter. _He better quit looking at her like that..._

As the pair exited the coffee shop, Elliot felt proud of himself. He'd resisted attacking the other man and had even apologised for the hospital incident. Well, you could call it an apology.

"_Sorry about your nose."Elliot grunted, roughly shaking hands with the man while staring at the damage he'd done to the other man's face.  
_"_Yeah, don't worry about it." Porter replied gruffly, squeezing Elliot's hand a little too tightly._

"Thanks El." Olivia's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

"For what?" he asked, a little confused.

"Not punching him again," she smiled, as the pair re-entered the taxi.

Elliot grinned, "No problem." After a minutes silence he spoke again. "You know, he likes you."

"What?" Olivia asked, scrunching up her nose.

"He likes you. _Likes you._"

"What are you talking about? No he doesn't. We worked together, that's all. We're friends."

" Mmm hmm. But you didn't see the way he was looking at you."

"And what way was that?"

"He was practically drooling!"

"Psht, okay." she laughed, playfully slapping his shoulder.

"I give you my kidney and this is how you repay me?!"

"Hey Elliot?" she said sweetly, reminding him of the voice Kathleen used when she wanted something. Usually something expensive.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up!" She grinned, slapping him once more as the taxi pulled up at the airport.

The pair spent the plane ride discussing Persephone James' adventure in Oregon, Munch's newest conspiracy theories back in NY as well as Elliot's temporary partners. Eventually, Olivia fell asleep leaving Elliot to silently reflect on the past couple of months in his mind. _He and Olivia's exchange in the hospital elevator. Tthat day in the subway station. The conversation in the corridor. Discovering that Olivia had left New York. Being partnered up with Blaine, Beck... Confronting Cragen. Finding Olivia. The plane ride. Learning of her assault. Coming face to face with Tim Dixon. Being told that his partner wasn't going to make it... doing whatever he could to make sure that didn't happen..._

Elliot looked over at his sleeping partner. Her head leaning back against the chair allowed him to see the fading marks on her neck. Her face was much better but still not completely back. The direct light from the plane window highlighted the long scar on the side of her face. It seemed to be healing nicely now that the swelling had disappeared. The doctor had said if she treats it properly with vitamin E, it should eventually totally fade. And Elliot hoped that it would fade. Fade and disappear. He wasn't sure if he could handle seeing it every day. It reminded him of how painfully close he'd come to losing Olivia. So did the surgical scar on her back. He had a matching one. But that scar he didn't mind so much, because that one reminded him of how he _didn't _lose her. How she was still there, with him.

After a short amount of time Elliot fell asleep too. The images from that day that he'd first seen her in the hospital, the images that he once thought might haunt him for the rest of his life, pushed out but a new image. The image that he and his partner would be together for a long time to come. And he fell asleep, Olivia's hand in his.

--

A few days later Elliot and Olivia were shocked to receive the news that Tim Dixon had awoken and was likely to make a full recovery. However, this news was a delight to the Oregon SVU who had finally been able to pin him for a string of unresolved rapes that they'd been working on, thanks to the DNA from the skin that was extracted from beneath Olivia's nails. The ADA's job was made even easier when upon his awakening, Tim Dixon confessed to all of the attacks.

Olivia and Elliot didn't resume work immediately. But together they recovered. And together they returned to the squad.

" Good to have you back Benson." Cragen had said upon their return.

" It's good to be back," she had replied, looking over and smiling at her partner.

And Elliot smiled back, because he knew Olivia wasn't going anywhere for a long time.

**THE END**

* * *

_A review would be awesome :) Once again, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed it! Be sure to check out my new stories... __And I thought I'd leave you with my interpretation of the elevator scene at the end of Burned (# 8.03)_

**WHAT THEY SAID:  
**Elliot: _I'd give you a kidney.  
_Olivia: _Not if I give you mine first._

**WHAT THEY MEANT: **  
Elliot: _I fucking love you.  
_Olivia: _Not as much as I love you.  
_Elliot (thinking silently): _It's probably a little early to ask her to have my babies... maybe next week..._

_It's all about reading between the lines people!_


End file.
